


Rattling the Cage

by MayhemWonder



Series: Rattling The Cage [1]
Category: Bakuten Shoot Beyblade, Beyblade
Genre: Developing Relationship, Hiwatari Kai Being an Idiot, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Russia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:14:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26077816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayhemWonder/pseuds/MayhemWonder
Summary: Voltaire is dead. Unwilling to assume his new duties as CEO of the family business, Kai goes into hiding in Russia, seeking refuge with someone he hasn't seen in years: Tala.
Relationships: Hiwatari Kai/Yuri Ivanov | Tala Valkov
Series: Rattling The Cage [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2029273
Comments: 24
Kudos: 83





	1. Day Zero

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Katya92 for beta reading!

**Day Zero**   
**Tokyo, Japan**   
**An unknown number of years after G-Revolution**

At 2:30 am on that day, everyone in the Hiwatari mansion was sound asleep, unaware that they were about to be slapped awake by one of the biggest news stories in recent history.

At 2:32, an old maid had her sleep disturbed by a weird thump coming from the bedroom of Voltaire, the head of the house. She first thought of going back to sleep, but she decided to investigate, just in case.

When she entered the room, she saw her old master lying face down on the carpet, his head bathing in puddle of his own blood.

She screamed.

At 2:34, everyone in the house had awakened, and an ambulance had been called despite most people being aware of the futility of this.

At 2:56, after his team attempted chest compression and the defibrillator, a paramedic was now informing the shaken family that Voltaire was beyond resuscitation and that he would be transported to the hospital to determine the cause of death.

At 3:20, Voltaire Hiwatari was pronounced dead from a sudden heart attack.

At 3:24, the Hiwatari’s were on their phones, trying to contact different relatives to inform them of the situation.

At 4:15, most of them had managed to contact their (still half-alseep) lawyers and were discussing funerals, succession, and the future of ongoing business deals.

It was only at 5:30 that the old maid squeaked the question no one had dared to ask up until that point: _Where is Kai?_

And only at that moment did the Hiwatari family realize that although Kai had been in the manor when Voltaire’s corpse was found, and at the hospital afterwards, he had not been seen for a suspicious amount of time now.

At 6:00, no one had managed to get a hold of the Hiwatari heir.

At 7:12, it became apparent that Kai was not at the manor either. Someone volunteered to check at the house of this Granger boy, Kai’s former teammate.

That morning, Grandpa Granger’s training got interrupted by an expensive car in his driveway and a scary man in full-black attire asking about the whereabouts of Kai Hiwatari. Grandpa Granger was not surprised. When Kai was in your life, those sorts of things just… happened.

Unfortunately, he had not heard from Kai in months.

At 8:30, it became apparent that no one had any clue where the hell Kai was.

On his first day as the official head of the family, Kai Hiwatari was nowhere to be found.


	2. Day Zero: Part 2

**Day Zero. Some hours later.**

Kai landed at Moscow Sheremetyevo International Airport at 11 am, with only a blazer and a few spare clothes he had quickly jammed into a backpack. The second Voltaire had been pronounced dead he had escaped the hospital like a possessed man, jumped in a taxi, and paid triple for the driver to ignore a few traffic laws in order to take him as fast as humanly possible back to the manor and then to Narita airport. Kai had then purchased a very last-minute one-way ticket to Moscow. 

After a 10 hour flight crammed in Economy Class, stuck between a smelly old lady and a snoring businessman, he finally landed in the Russian capital.

Why?

He wasn’t sure himself. The second it clicked that his sociopath of a grandfather was now just a corpse, a voice in his head had screamed, as clear as day:

 _Run_.

So he ran.

He had escaped to a place he both detested and loved: Russia.

He had a complicated relationship with this country. Sure, it was the place where he was born and raised, but his real life had started in Japan. Japan, with its miniature apartments, cars, and restaurants. Japan and its fake politeness, suffocating tranquility, and rigid customs. Russia’s harshness was almost easier to deal with.

Kai made his way to the ticket counter and booked the next flight to St. Petersburg. First Class this time. The attendant directed him to the VIP lounge, where he was finally able to have some decent food and charge his phone.

Now came the difficult part.

If his plan had been vague and nondescript in the taxi, it had taken solid form on the plane, where he had nothing else to do but to shape it into precision.

Kai’s first idea had been to hide in a hotel room in Moscow and spend a few days alone with his thoughts. However, he had quickly realized that some outside company would not be awful.

A name had almost immediately popped into his mind: Tala.

Tala had moved to St. Petersburg from Moscow a few years ago. Kai could probably spend a couple of days at his place. The city was a good hiding spot. It would be more discreet than Moscow and hopefully, the noisy redhead would be smart company.

They had not properly seen each other in years. After the Blitzkrieg Boys had exited the Beyblade scene, Kai had continued to compete with the BBA Revolutions until they too, retired. Kai and Tala had only seen each other a few times ever since.

They had never really been friends, but Tala was able to give some solid pieces of advice if needed. It was a shame, really, that back in those days Kai had been too stubborn to really listen.

Kai took out his cell phone with his Russian SIM card and dialed the person who would determine the course of the next few days.

It took exactly six attempts for the redhead to pick up and when he did, Kai was greeted with anger.

“I am at work, you fucking lunatic, what do you want?”

“Tala, I’m in Moscow. I’m taking the next flight to St. Petersburg. Can I crash at your place for a few days?”

A few seconds of silence passed, before Tala asked, “… what? Wait. Why. What’s going on?”

Kai’s voice was now impatient. “Can I, or not? If not, I will book a hotel.”

He heard a deep sigh on the other side of the line and when Tala spoke again, his voice was calmer.

“Yeah, sure. What time is your flight? I will pick you up at the airport.”

“I am boarding in 45 minutes. I should be in Pulkovo at 4pm or so. I’ll text you.”

“Okay. See you.”

* * *

Eighteen hours after Voltaire Hiwatari was found dead, his only grandson arrived at St. Petersburg Pulkovo airport, more than seven thousand kilometres away.

He was tired, cramped, hungry, and probably didn’t smell the best. Nonetheless, he was happy to be here. A soft rain welcomed him into the city as he eased his way through customs.

Aside from his call to Tala, Kai had ignored his phone and stayed clear of the internet. He wondered if anyone would guess where he was. Although Kai prided himself in being secretive, he was more predictable than he would have liked. Fortunately, his blood relatives were not excellent at anticipating his next moves, so he most likely had a few days of peace in front of him.

His train of thoughts got shattered by a voice.

“Long time no see. You look awful.”

Tala was standing in front of him, his usual mocking grin plastered on his face. Kai felt an unexpected wave of relief crash over him. A part of his subconscious had feared the redhead would ditch him.

Kai would have answered with something snappy, but he was mostly grateful his former teammate was there, as promised. He ignored the remark and said, “Let’s go. I’d rather not be recognized.”

Tala scoffed at that. “If someone gets recognized here, it will be me. Come on, my car is parked on the other side.”

Kai followed him out of the airport. After almost a full day on planes, the cold October air was a welcome relief. The rain had stopped by the time they exited the airport.

“Where are Bryan, Spencer, and Ian?”

“Bryan is visiting family members in the East,” answered Tala flatly. “Ian and Spencer are on a fishing trip. Killing animals isn’t really my thing, so I declined.”

“But you eat meat, isn’t it the same?”

“I don’t see them suffer. Call me a hypocrite if you want. Ian doesn’t care, he would kill his own cows and chickens if he could.”

They made their way to the car and Kai plopped himself on the back seat. Tala made a head gesture towards the passengers seat.

“I’m not your limo driver, princess.”

Kai sighed, grabbed his backpack and switched to the passenger seat. Now was not the time to piss off Tala. Over the years, Kai had learned to not bite the hand that feeds, and to control his impulses better. Even he had to admit he was less of an asshole than he used to be. On the outside, at least.

At the same time, the current situation proved he hadn’t completely mastered this aspect of his character yet.

Tala drove out of the airport parking lot and took the highway to the city. After a few minutes, he broke the silence.

“So. After your call, I did a bit of investigation. Your grandfather is dead, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

Kai was not surprised that Tala knew. For someone who had spent his entire childhood in an Abbey, Tala had an incredible network. If anything relevant happened in the beyblade world, Tala was usually one of the first people to know, especially when it was classified information.

“It’s not in the news yet, but it will be soon. Your family knows you’re here?”

“Unless someone saw me, no.”

Someone else might have asked more questions, but Tala knew Kai enough to follow his thinking process.

“Interesting. So your old man dies and your first impulse is to hide in Russia.”

“’Old man?’ He was not my father,” said Kai defensively.

“Just as if. Where is your actual dad anyway?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.”

“How old were you anyway last time you saw him? Six? Seven? Voltaire was more of a father figure for you than your real dad.”

“I despised my grandfather and you know it,” answered Kai with clenched teeth.

He hated when Tala played armchair psychologist.

“Just like many children hate their parents. It’s the same.”

Having nothing smart to retort back, Kai focused his gaze on the scenery outside the windows. Once in a while, he glimpsed at his older friend focused on the road.

Tala hadn’t changed much. Of course, he had gotten older. His face had matured, but lost in severity. It was obvious that he was finally starting to be happy. Kai was glad for him, he deserved it more than anyone else. Tala had accumulated enough suffering for ten lifetimes.

Tala had retired from beyblading at the ripe young age of nineteen, after winning back the World Champion title by defeating him. Call it luck or destiny, he departed the beyblade world at the very top.

The second Tala had announced his retirement, the Russian division of the BBA had presented him a tempting job offer with a very interesting salary, to which they had added more and more money until Tala finally accepted. The redhead had been working for them ever since. He was still a star in Russia, despite refusing most interviews and rarely participating in charity tournaments.

Kai’s thoughts were abruptly stopped with a: “We’re here.”

“Already?”

Tala smirked. “I think you slept for a while. Yes.”

They had stopped in front of a nice apartment building near the river, Kai wasn’t sure which one. He didn’t know St. Petersburg as well as Moscow.

“I thought you had a house.”

“Yeah, in the countryside. It’s mostly for summer. I rent it to tourists the rest of the year. This apartment is closer to work _and_ I have a guest room. It has its own bathroom and all. I asked the cleaning lady to prepare it when you called. She thinks I am receiving my mother, so there might be flowers and stuff.”

Kai tilted when he heard _mother_ , but decided to push this sensitive topic to a later time. He needed rest. And a shower.

* * *

Kai was not sure what to expect. _‘Single Guy Apartment’_ was never synonym with a well-maintained flat. However, he knew his friend’s borderline obsession with cleanliness meant he wouldn’t end up sleeping in a garbage dump.

The actual apartment was much nicer than anticipated. It was cosy and luminous, with large windows completed by a balcony offering a view on the riverfront. The whole ensemble felt spacious, but comfortable enough to be a home.

Kai’s surprise was perhaps a bit too apparent, because the redhead quipped, “You seem surprised.”

“I was expecting one empty room with a mattress in the middle.”

“I had never owned that much space before and I had no idea how to decorate it. I paid someone to do it for me,” Tala explained.

“That makes more sense, otherwise I might have admitted that you have taste.”

“And what if I do?”

“Years of you wearing a stupid hospital-white competition outfit tell me you don’t.”

Tala huffed a laugh and shrugged.

“Hey, if the public likes it… besides, it has proven useful to not get recognized, people never expect me to show up wearing a different colour.”

Kai ignored the last remark and went to drop his bag in the guest room. As predicted, there was a large bouquet of flowers on the bedside table.

Tala was apparently not done talking about his place, because he had followed him and continued monologuing.

“I told the designer I wanted something that felt spacious. I’m happy with what she did. It’s nice you know, I’m getting a sense of things I actually _like_.”

Kai felt the need to bring the discussion back to a familiar topic.

“What have you done with Wolborg?”

Tala blinked, visibly taken back by the unexpected question.

“I still have it. I might have to donate it one day. Bitbeasts do not do well in a cage.”

 _Neither will I_ , thought Kai.

But for now he had no energy to think about the chaos he left back in Japan.

Tomorrow.

The second Tala was done with his talking and left him alone, he crashed on the bed and fell asleep.


	3. Day One

**Day One  
** **8 am**

Tala used to wake up at the crack of dawn to train. He did not anymore. He preferred his mornings quiet, with a newspaper and a nice cup of tea.

This morning he consciously enjoyed every minute of peacefulness he had, as something told him that the next few days wouldn’t be as quiet. Kai Hiwatari, despite his apparent hate of chaos, usually brought an armada of problems with him wherever he went.

Tala chuckled to himself. Kai was predictable, the way snowstorms are predictable. You know they will hit, but the damages they will cause were often harder to anticipate.

Tala still remembered the first time he had seen Kai.

Tala had been at the Abbey for almost a year at that point, training with about a hundred other children. Boris recruited kids from all regions of Russia and sometimes former Soviet countries. They all joined because they had nothing to lose.

Except Kai.

The little boy had arrived in a car- an actual car, not a van or a truck, like most other children. He was accompanied by a butler, who carried his little suitcase. Both had been personally received by Boris Balkov and Kai had been allowed his own room.

The word went all around the Abbey faster than a bitbeast gets unleashed: the new kid was _rich_. Worse, his folks were cosy with Balkov.

Why was he even here? How long would he stay? And better: How long would it take for the other kids to destroy him in the Beyblade dish?

Tala now realizes how naive they had been. Whoever thought Kai Hiwatari would be an easy victim had been _hella fucking wrong_.

Kai had handed them their asses on a plate during his very first practice match.

Even at that age, Kai was already a Beyblade prodigy. Kai already had his own bitbeast and had more or less mastered the fire divinity at that point in time.

That afternoon, he had ripped every single one of his opponents to shreds. To young Tala, his skills had looked like magic.

 _“I brought a little competition, so you kids do not slack off! This is what is waiting for you outside!_ ” had proudly announced Boris, standing like a possessive father behind Kai.

And from that moment on, all the other kids had stayed at a respectful distance of the master of Dranzer.

Kai had learned fast that at the Abbey, he had no friends. It was one thing to think everyone hated you, but it was another thing to know it for sure. Kai, however, used this knowledge to his advantage and soon, everyone treated him with envious respect. Some kids, wanting special treatment, started following him around like pilot fishes follow a shark, but even they didn’t see the Hiwatari heir as a real friend.

Tala almost felt sorry when he thought about those years. Kai had probably been as scared as they were, but children are merciless, and children in pain, especially so.

Tala threw his newspaper in the recycle bin.

There was still no information in the news about the death of Voltaire Hiwatari. Kai had a few days of peace in front of him before being swamped with his new duties. If he accepted them at all.

* * *

Kai woke up way later than usual, thirsty, hungry, and confused. For a few seconds he wondered where the hell he was, until the flowers on the bedside table reminded him of the events of the day before.

It was only at that moment that he chose to check his messages. As predicted, he had been bombarded with texts and emails, ranging from “Kai, call me back please’’ to “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU??’’

They would have to wait.

For now.

He was aware that his days of behaving like an immature teen were nearing their end.

The Hiwataris were one of the richest families in Japan, if not in Asia. A few generations ago, before the rise of the Communists in Europe, the Hiwataris had formed multiple successful alliances with an equally rich family in Russia and now, the two clans were intertwingled by marriages, children, and hate.

This somewhat bizarre mixture of genes explained his features and why few people managed to identify his parents, despite the now easy access to Google. He looked foreign wherever he went.

Kai made his way to the kitchen just in time to catch Tala on his departure. The redhead seemed surprised to see him.

“Already up? I thought the jetlag would hit you harder.”

“Hn.”

“I am going to work. Don’t break anything. Don’t call me unless you’ve set something on fire.” Tala listed off as he stepped to the front door holding his laptop case.

“Okay.”

“And Kai?”

“Hum?”

“I mean it.”

Kai suppressed an eye roll as he muttered, “Yeah. Go.”

The door closed behind Tala and Kai found himself alone.

The young man couldn’t help but be amazed that Tala would trust him enough to leave him alone in his place of living. He would rather chop off his own arm with a chainsaw than let anyone pry in his personal things.

But perhaps he was the abnormal one here.

* * *

**Day One**   
**Evening**

It was now 6pm and Kai’s day had been uneventful. He had contacted a few relevant family members and confirmed that he was still alive but would be taking a few days to himself. He had refused to give more details and ignored their protests.

_Fuck these assholes._

It was a miracle that the Bladebreakers, except for that one unfortunate event in Russia, never got the true picture of his family. Tyson and his gang came to believe his biological parents were dead and never dared to ask questions. Kai would forever be grateful for this misunderstanding. It had allowed him to exist solely as Kai for the first time in his life. Not as the Hiwatari heir, not as the-son-of or the-grandson-of. Just him, with his flaws and unlikeable personality.

Tala, on the other hand, had seen enough interactions to get a good picture of the environment in which Kai had grown up.

Aside from these mandatory calls, Kai hadn’t spoken to anyone all day.

He had only wandered outside Tala’s apartment for a short trip to the store in order to buy essentials he might need – coffee, for a starter. Tala hated coffee.

The rest of his day had been quiet as can be. He had mostly been laying around watching TV and thinking.

Despite having fought the jetlag as best as he could, Kai was not able to hide his relief when Tala came back earlier than expected.

It said something about Tala’s appearance that, despite his tall frame and fire truck hair, every written description of him started with his eyes. They ate the rest of his face. They pierced right through you and stripped your soul naked.

The redhead removed his shoes and looked around, only to find Kai lying down on the sofa in front of the television, exactly where he had left him nine hours ago.

“Wow, my place is still in one piece. Good job.”

“I wasn’t expecting you before seven.”

“I thought you might need some company, so I told my boss I had a dinner,” explained Tala.

“What do you normally eat here? Do you cook?”

“Sometimes. But for tonight I ordered pasta from that fancy place you like. I guessed my food would be too ordinary for your taste. It should arrive anytime now.”

The last time Kai had been in town, they had gone for lunch at a reputed Italian establishment that was one of Kai’s favourites.

Kai couldn’t help but be touched that Tala would remember such a small detail. This was years ago.

The food arrived shortly after and they prepared themselves for dinner. Tala ate while doing some work on his computer whereas Kai sat on the table opposite.

There was no word for the weird feeling of closeness he felt with the redhead. They were not friends; not like he was with Tyson. But there was a trust. An ease.

Back in the days, this had terrified him. Kai had kept the other at a distance, just like he had with everyone else. He had treated Tala like a stranger, even after everything they had faced together.

Swallowing his ego, Kai broke the silence.

“Thank you for receiving me.”

Tala almost dropped his fork in surprise.

“Since when do you thank people? Is it my birthday and I forgot?”

Kai sent him a bored look.

“There’s a first time for everything. People change.”

“People don’t change much, _circumstances_ change.”

Tala pushed his laptop away and faced Kai, his gaze now serious.

“Yesterday we were battling for a trophy and today you’re the new boss of one of the biggest empires in Asia.”

“I suppose that’s what will happen,” Kai offered.

“You do not seem happy.”

“You know I’m not.”

Tala tilted his head.

“You’re not thinking of ditching them, are you?”

“No. But I could. My father did it.”

“And it turned out brilliantly for him, hasn’t it?”

Tala’s tone dripped in sarcasm as he was one of the only people outside the family who knew why Kai’s father was out of the picture.

His father had left the family when Kai was young. Only those in Voltaire’s inner circle knew this. The Hiwatari higher-ups had crafted a lie they had offered to the public ever since; Susumu Hiwatari suffered from a rare chronic condition, preventing him from taking over the family’s leadership.

Kai’s mother had stayed behind, acting as a perfect daughter-in-law to Voltaire. She kept up the appearance of a sweet and obedient housewife in public, but she was as sharp and cold as a knife behind closed doors. Kai saw her less and less and it was for the better. He never introduced her to anyone either. Every time someone praised his mother’s gentle disposition, it made him want to vomit.

“Well, freedom was more important to him than his family,” admitted Kai in a bittersweet tone. “But I don’t have kids, I’m not married and I’m sure a few of my cousins would volunteer to take my place.”

Tala smiled.

“You’re taking Voltaire’s seat, but you don’t have to be like him you know? The path is blank and it’s a promising one. You can shape your family and the company back into something decent.”

“It’s gonna be hard.”

“It can be done. Out of all people, you are the most suited person for the task.”

With these words, Tala started loading the dishwasher.

Seeing an opportunity to help, Kai offered, “Leave it. I’ll do it.”

Tala turned around, hand on his hip.

“Do you even know how to operate a dishwasher, Lady Hiwatari?”

“I can manage.”

“Aren’t the maids in charge of chores at your place? Unless…” Tala’s eyes narrowed. “Unless you moved out of the manor.”

Kai blinked in surprise.

“Why would I have moved out?”

“I don’t know your life. Maybe you moved in permanently with Tyson. Many of our peers are settling down.”

Kai suddenly understood the hidden question.

“You mean with a girlfriend?”

“No, I mean with a very smart dog wearing an apron. Yes, a girlfriend.”

“If I had one, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Solid point,” conceded Tala.

He watched Kai load the dishwasher from the corner of his eyes, as if scared that Kai would start juggling with the plates in confusion. Once he was done, he mockingly complimented, “Well done Hiwatari. One day you will make a wonderful housewife. There is still hope for you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Well, minus the stupid temper. If you were better mannered-“

“-Keep on talking about my personal life and I will-“

“-Murder me in my sleep, I know. You’re predictable.”

On these words, Tala left the kitchen and went to his room.

The jetlag was giving Kai a headache. Just like the day before, he collapsed on the bed and fell asleep.


	4. Day Two

**Day Two**   
**3 am**

Kai woke up suddenly around 3 am in a cold sweat. The hour was early, but his thoughts were clear.

Limpid.

_He could not do this._

It had dawned on him what kind of life was waiting for him once he got out of Tala’s place and returned to Japan.

Non-stop corporate hell.

Boring business dinners.

Pretending to be cosy with mob bosses.

Putting on a face 24/7.

Being surrounded by ass-kissing hypocrites.

Getting married to some girl his family would approve of.

Creating a kid or two to start the same cycle all over again.

And one day, dying of a stress-induced heart attack and being found by his maid.

_He could not do this._

The last few years had given him a nice preview of the predictable madness his life would be. He knew with certainty that he would hate it.

People in his position tended to drown their problems in alcohol, women, drugs, or other sins he had no taste for. He wouldn’t even have beyblading to soften the edges of his misery.

The last few years had passed in a blur. Kai had dragged himself out of bed, purposeless, every single morning and done whatever Voltaire had expected of him.

Kai was good at it. He commanded respect quite naturally, and as it turns out, being a CEO was not completely different than captaining a Beyblade team, with more numbers and business lingo.

Kai also loved to excel at whatever tasks he was handed.

But this farce had to stop.

He would never take Voltaire’s place. Period.

The Hiwatari clan was large, complex, and corrupted to the bone.

BioVolt wasn’t the only shady organization they had invested into, and Kai would have to get his hands dirty with those problems one day or another.

A gigantic headache he had tolerated until now, because he had always had the freedom to step away.

Whatever engagement Kai took, he always kept a foot out of the door.

But now, the cage was about to shut behind him, leaving him truly trapped for the first time in his life.

He could not do this.

He would _not_ do this.

He cherished freedom too much. He was fire, fire was not meant to be domesticated.

_Was I really about to just accept my destiny?_

He was in a cage. But the door was still open.

There was no way he could take Voltaire’s place. No way in fucking hell. Tala could think whatever he wanted, Kai was _not_ the man of the situation.

He would move somewhere. Far. Russia was tempting, but it was too easy. Perhaps Ireland? Or heck, freakin’ Canada. He would find a job under a fake name. Build a new life. He could be Kyle The Accountant. He could do that.

About half an hour later, midway through his plan, Kai’s jetlagged brain fell again into a deep slumber.

He dreamt of his father.

* * *

Kai barely remembered his father.

Susumu was a ghostly figure in his souvenirs, a man he had learned to perceive as a cautionary tale.

Even when he was still around, Susumu was rarely home. He would disappear for days at a time.

His absences were routine.

One day, Susumu had left for work and never came back. Young Kai had barely noticed. He had been shipped to Russia shortly after.

Kai only got the full story years later. His father had simply left the family business to focus on his own projects. Voltaire had taken it like a punch to the gut and a massive insult to his honour.

Growing up, Kai was often reminded that his main task was not fucking up as much as his father had.

To not be another failure.

Kai was taught to hate him. Susumu, the heartless bastard who had left a wife and a son behind.

Now that he was older, Kai understood him more. If his father was half like him, doing what he pleased was one of his core values.

Funny how life has its way of getting back at you.

* * *

When Kai woke up for the second time, the sun was high in the sky. A blinking message on his phone indicated that his answering machine was already full. He also had over a hundred unread texts. He ignored them all.

Tala was already gone by the time Kai made his way to the kitchen. Good. His day would be busy.

* * *

**Day Two**

**7pm**

Kai’s day had passed in a panicked blur.

He had been out all day, running the various errands needed to forge a new life in a foreign country.

He had no hope of disappearing without a trace – the Hiwatari would find him easily and a hitman would be on his doorstep in two days or less– but he was technically not _forced_ to take Voltaire’s place.

He just needed to assure a smooth transition.

Of course, his family would be livid, but if he softened the blow enough, he could hope of being seen as only a disappointment, and not as an enemy.

First, Kai had visited multiple banks.

Kai’s money came in different forms: of course, he had a few bank accounts filled to the brink, but he also had shares, investments, and buildings.

To walk out, one needed money.

Kai had spent most of the day reorganizing his savings and shares, transferring money in and out of multiple bank accounts, until he was sure that he would be able to live comfortably without worrying about cash. He wanted out, he didn’t want to be homeless.

With this taxing musical chair dealt with, he then used a public library’s wifi to explore the shadier corners of the internet.

His needs were simple. He needed a fake passport.

He needed a fake background.

And he needed someone to transfer his stuff from Japan to anywhere in the world without asking questions.

Tala had only called him once, at noon.

“I know you want to keep a low profile, but I’m having dinner tonight with a friend if you want to join.”

“Friend?” Kai had said, thinking _You have friends outside of your team?_

As usual, Tala had been able to hear the silent question.

“Yeah, _friend_. It’s not that hard once you accept that the world is not your enemy.”

“In _your_ case perhaps.”

“People do not dislike you as much as you think they do,” Tala answered.

_Then why am I here? Here with you and not with some new friend I would have randomly made because I am so sociable. There is no one else._

“That’s ok, I’ll pass. I’ve suddenly got lots of things to do,” Kai declined as vague as always.

“Okay.”

Tala had sounded suspicious but had not offered resistance.

* * *

Kai came back to Tala’s flat shortly before dinner.

He was exhausted, and hungry.

He burned two attempted omelettes before settling for a microwaveable meal.

He mentally added ‘Learn how to cook’ to his list of things to do.

Next step would be harder. If he wanted to leave, he needed a replacement. Someone suitable. Someone who could be a CEO.

Kai could have ditched this step, but it was the most crucial one. If he just left, his family would be on his ass in no time. He didn’t particularly fear for his life, but he knew there were a thousand ways worse than death to punish someone.

With a replacement, the Hiwatari would be kinder. He had four names in mind and three of them were in Russia. He would have to meet them to assess them.

If he calculated correctly, in two weeks he would have a new identity, and in a month, he was starting a new life where no one knew him.

Just like his father.

Tala had been right.

Kai _was_ predictable.

* * *

**Day Two  
9pm**

Long after the sun had set, Kai was still on his laptop. He was calculating how many houses he could afford in Scotland, when he heard soft knocks at the door.

 _Who could it be?_ As far he knew, Tala was out.

Then, he heard the rattling of keys being pushed into the lock.

The door opened on a blonde girl whose petite stature evoked a ballerina. She greeted with a smile too wide to be a sober one.

“Oh hiiii,” she said while removing her boots. “Tala told me he had a friend over from Japan! Nice to meet you! Tala is just parking the car, he’s on his way.”

The girl continued babbling and Kai’s suspicions were confirmed. Her movements were not smooth enough to hide her tipsiness. Kai didn’t catch her name and he didn’t care enough to ask her to repeat it.

He abruptly interrupted her.

“You’re the one Tala was having dinner with?”

She rose a heart-shaped face and smiled again.

“That’s me!”

_Why the fuck would Tala bring a drunk girl here?_

Just as if she had been home, she walked to the kitchen, opened a cabinet, and took out a large glass bottle.

“I’m having a gin, want to have one? I gave Tala this bottle last… June, if I remember correctly, I don’t think he has even opened it. Such a shame, it’s a really good one.”

At this moment, something in Kai’s mind tilted. The familiarity. The ease.

She clearly had been here before.

The light teasing Tala had made about his personal life.

_Fuck. Tala has brought his girlfriend back here. He probably assumed I would be out too, so they would have a quiet evening together._

Kai felt a rush of blood to his face. This was way too personal for his liking.

The girl was still rummaging around the kitchen. Kai grabbed his phone, his coat, and spare key and headed for the door.

“I’m going for a walk,” he mumbled in no particular direction.

He didn’t want to be an intruder in their little tête-à-tête. He didn’t even know if he felt comfortable knowing Tala had a girlfriend. Hell, he didn’t want to hear Tala _fuck_.

Kai left the building like a possessed man and walked to the riverfront.

Once there, he felt his malaise turn into anger.

He was aware he had reacted like a child, but a part of him had selfishly hoped he would have Tala and his sarcasm and his mind just to himself for a week.

He felt a glimmer of a proprietorial urge he didn’t know he could feel for someone he barely called a friend.

What was this weird uncomfortable possessive twinge in his chest?

Jealousy?

* * *

Kai came back about an hour later, his anger dissipated.

He had wandered aimlessly in the neighborhood and came back when the cold October air had crawled under his clothes and started to make him shiver.

The apartment was dark and silent. A subtle smell of gin and lemon permeated the air.

At least they were probably asleep now. He wouldn’t have known what to do with himself would he had heard the bed squeaking, or God forbid, _moans_.

Kai removed his coat and shoes and silently made his way to the guest room.

When his eyes got used to the darkness, he saw a form on the bed.

_What is this?_

He looked closer and recognized the heart-shaped face. The blonde girl was in _his_ bed, still fully dressed.

He leaned in towards her. The smell confirmed what he had already guessed.

The girl was drunk asleep in his bed.

_If she’s here, where is Tala?_

It then clicked in Kai’s mind that the girl was not a girlfriend and he had probably massively insulted her and Tala by just leaving.

_Fuck._

Kai silently exited the guest room and made his way to the couch.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Kai had still not found a comfortable sleeping position. The couch wasn't one made to be used as a bed. It looked like a night of insomnia was on the menu.

Kai silently cursed himself. If he hadn’t jumped to conclusions like an idiot, he would be comfortably installed in his own bed and most likely sound asleep by now.

Suddenly, he heard Tala moving in his bedroom.

Tala was not sleeping.

An idea quickly made his way into Kai’s brain.

Perhaps there was a solution.

* * *

Tala was reading just one last chapter of his book when his bedroom door flung open and Kai appeared in front of him, wide awake and annoyed.

“Tala.”

“Uh?”

“There is a girl in my bed.”

Tala rose a brow in amusement.

“Congratulations, you’re a man now.”

“Stop being an idiot. She’s drunk asleep.”

“Don’t bother her, then. I have a couch.”

Kai took one step closer and shut the door behind him.

“Your couch is not comfortable. Move.”

It took a second to Tala to understand Kai’s request.

“What? Are you serious?”

“You have a king size bed and more than enough space for us two.”

“You should at least buy me a drink before,” said Tala in a falsely offended tone, clutching an invisible set of pearls. “I have morals, _sir_.”

Kai rolled his eyes.

“Jesus Tala, stop making a big deal out of this. I want to sleep, you have space.”

Tala’s smile faded and he regained his seriousness.

“You could also ask. Stop hiding your discomfort behind your ego and ask.”

“Fine. Tala, can I sleep here?” asked Kai thought gritted teeth. “Please.”

Tala smiled and moved to the left side of the bed to leave as much space as possible to his former teammate.

“See? That was easy. Didn’t your mother teach you how impolite it is to yell orders at people in their own houses?”

“She would do the same and you know it.”

“You’re such a princess. Now sleep. I hope you don’t snore.”

Tala turned to his side and turned off the bedside lamp.

It was bizarre having another human so close to him, again. In his BBA days, Kai had shared beds and bedrooms with his team until they were all too tall to do so comfortably. The few times he had shared a bed with someone from the opposite sex, it had been briefly, as he couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep next to a stranger. But here, it was easy. In a weird, twisted irony, Tala was a safe space. He knew him more than anyone else. Even his smell was pleasantly reassuring.

Kai felt a twitch of guilt for his earlier behaviour, so he quipped, “So, she’s _really_ just a friend.”

Kai could almost feel Tala rolling his eyes.

“I _told you_ , and you didn’t believe me. She was confused as why you abruptly left, but I made two plus two. This ain’t a rom-com Kai, if I was inviting someone over, I would tell you.”

“Tyson called Hilary _a friend_ too and I saw her doing the walk of shame from his room more than I would have liked.”

“I’m not Tyson. If I say that someone is a friend, I mean it. Otherwise I would have gone to her place, I’m not an animal.”

Kai exhaled. “Good to know.”

“She’s a nice girl. I told her you were jetlagged and to take the couch. Guess she didn’t like it either.”

“Or she was too drunk to care.”

Kai felt more than he saw Tala shrugging next to him.

“If you want to give a better second impression, she invited me to go out Saturday night. You could join us. We would be a dozen people or so.”

“Sure.”

Reassured and considerably less anxious, Kai fell asleep.


	5. Day Four

**Day Four**   
**8am**

Tala had wrongly assumed having Kai in his personal space at all times would be taxing but, turns out the cohabitation with his former teammate was easier than he originally anticipated.

The younger man had so far mostly kept to himself and minus a few slips here and there, had overall been a polite guest.

Looks like the years had finally implanted some sense of self-preservation into Kai’s brain. The Japanese boy used to be unsufferable. A gorgeous, spoiled brat.

Kai was born with a silver spoon in the mouth, multiple ones at that. Who knows what would have become of him, hadn’t he gotten a harsh dose of reality in the dungeons of the Abbey.

The Abbey had catapulted Kai into a world he would have never seen otherwise. Even then, the Hiwatari heir had been treated slightly better than the others. Contrary to Tala and his peers, the grandson of Voltaire Hiwatari was not expendable.

Despite that, Tala had always had a soft spot for him.

The redhead was convinced that if Kai’s ego could deflate, they would be friends. They had more in common than not and they could bring a lot to each other. But Kai had pushed him away every single time Tala had offered his friendship.

Kai had only ever reached out to Tala to ask for help. Kai _always_ had something to ask. Advice, time, business matters. Defeating Tyson Granger. Tala had never refused to lend a hand. He just couldn’t say no. Kai had this kind of magnetism on him.

And once whatever matter of importance had been dealt with, Kai would disappear once again for God knew how long. Their relationship was a one-way partnership punctuated by months of silence.

The redhead had given up on friendship attempts long ago. And in a weird twist of fate, it was only when Tala had made peace with his failures that Kai came back, finally shaped into someone semi-decent.

Perhaps Tala had been good enough, after all.

* * *

Kai was already awake, but he was still in his bed, pretending to sleep.

He stayed under the covers, eyes closed and motionless, until he heard the distinctive click of the door, sure sign that Tala was gone for the day.

It was only at that moment that he jumped out of bed and set his plan in motion.

Today, Kai was going to Moscow.

By train, it was four hours to go, four hours to get back. More discreet than a crowded airport, and if he calculated correctly, he would be back here before Tala’s return.

Kai still hadn’t mustered the courage to tell Tala he was deserting. The redhead wouldn’t approve, but he wasn’t the one chained to a destiny ill-fitted to his character.

He shook his head, chasing the thoughts. He didn’t have time to dwell on this.

He hated waiting, hated being stagnant. To function, he needed a goal. An objective.

Kai was most efficient when focused.

He grabbed the shopping bag hidden under his bed.

Yesterday’s errands had included a bit of shopping. The last thing he needed was a picture of him in the tabloids.

He put on a shapeless brown coat, a grey scarf, and one of those beanies Max liked to wear.

He also ditched his contacts for his glasses.

Kai stared at himself in the mirror. He looked like an average university student. That would have to do.

He grabbed his bag and left the apartment.

* * *

**Day Four**   
**8pm**

Kai swore under his breath.

If only the damn train could go faster.

He should have rented a private jet.

He should have been back in St. Petersburg by now.

Kai’s day had been busy. He had met two people on his _List Of Potential Replacements_ in Moscow.

Unfortunately, they had both been pitifully unsuitable and unnervingly chatty.

By the time Kai had escaped his second meeting, he was already three hours late on his schedule.

He had managed to catch a train back to St. Petersburg later than expected and was now crafting the story he could serve Tala when he would be back.

Tala wasn’t a person easy to lie to, and Kai wasn’t a good liar in the first place.

The master of Wolborg was one of the smartest person Kai had ever met. He barely held a high school diploma but had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. He was constantly pushing himself to excel. To be better. He was always learning something new.

Just yesterday, Kai had overheard him having a full phone conversation in German. When did Tala found the time to learn German? Kai didn’t know, but that was just one of those things Tala did.

Tala was smart, but Tala wasn’t naive. His intellect came with a general distrust of people and a talent to spot liars.

Tala would see something was off, sooner or later, and would call him out on it. He was perceptive and never took anything at face-value.

Perhaps Kai should just tell him. Tala would be disappointed, but he would come around.

Hopefully.

Wasn’t this the entire point of his visit, anyway? Having a trusted person by his side?

Kai wasn’t sure what would be worse: continuing his quest all by himself or letting Tala down.

He sighed and readjusted himself in his seat.

He still had two hours to think about it.

* * *

**Day Four**   
**10pm**

Kai arrived at Tala’s place way later than planned.

He had hoped the master of the house wouldn’t be back yet, but his hopes faded when he saw Tala’s shoes by the door.

He didn’t even have time to remove his travel disguise before Tala had appeared in front of him.

“Where were you? I came back here three hours ago.”

Kai swore under his breath.

Refusing to meet Tala’s gaze, Kai walked past his former teammate and mumbled, “I was out.”

Before he could take another step, an iron-clad grip had closed on his forearm.

“Do you want to find a hotel?” Tala growled. “Where. The Fuck. Were you.”

Kai sighed, resigned.

His gaze rose to meet Tala’s. The clear blue eyes glowed with irritation and… worry?

The lie Kai had crafted on the train shattered before getting past his lips.

He decided to give part of the truth.

“In Moscow. I had a meeting.”

If they had been in a cartoon, Tala’s jaw would have dropped to the floor. Tala’s grip loosened and Kai freed his arm.

“So, you travelled 8 hours today just to have a meeting in Moscow?”

Kai removed his coat and boots.

“Yes, I did. I had to meet someone from the company. I left this morning and I came back just now.”

Tala’s eyes narrowed until they were barely slits.

“Kai, what are you doing that you’re not telling me?”

“Putting stuff in order,” vaguely answered Kai.

“When are you supposed to go back to Japan? I don’t want your lawyers here.”

“I don’t know. I need a few days, I told you.”

Kai turned around, grabbed his bag and was about to get into the guest room when Tala’s voice stopped him.

“Hiwatari.”

Kai froze in his tracks. Tala had used the cold, flat tone Boris Balkov used when he was about to punish someone. When your own name became a warning.

“Hiwatari,” repeated Tala. “I thought you needed a break. What are you doing?”

Shit.

“None of your business. Family matters.”

Kai still refused to face him, but the redhead wasn’t done with his interrogation.

“Why have you been so secretive? Why are you so afraid of people finding out what you’re doing?”

“I said, none of your business.”

“And I say you’re full of shit. You’re trying to walk out, aren’t you?”

Kai’s heart missed a beat.

He had expected this. Tala was always able to see right through people.

Whether Kai allowed him or not.

Time to face the music.

Kai pivoted on his heels to face him, staring at him with intensity, challenging him.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do. Let me summarize. You are out all day, every day, doing fuck knows what, but that involves a disguise apparently,” Tala said, pointing at the ugly coat Kai was still holding. “You’ve been avoiding your family, even though you’re crucially needed back in Japan. Also, you’re not hiding your laptop screen well enough. You’ve been house-hunting. Abroad.”

It was scary how well Tala knew him. How well he was able to piece clues together. To echo his thoughts, Tala continued, “I’m not Tyson Granger, Kai, I know you.”

Kai threw his coat and bag on the sofa and crossed his arms in front of his chest. It was too late to lie now.

“So? What if I don’t want these responsibilities? What if I don’t give a damn about that empire? Maybe I just need a way out. Maybe I am an unreliable loser just like my dad was. So what? The Hiwataris will find a way to make this work. Maybe they will say I have the same incurable condition. I will lead the same life as my dad. You know what happened to him, don’t you?”

Tala chuckled.

“Yes. And so do you. You were lying when I asked you.”

“He’s living the cosy life in fucking Portugal with a woman ten years younger than my mother,” answered Kai with a laboured voice, baring his teeth in rage. “He builds beyblades for fun and sometimes, he spends the weekend on his yatch. He’s living the dream, millions in the bank account and not a care in the world.”

Tala’s lips stretched in a dissapointed smile.

“Is that what you want Kai? Running away from your responsibilities, over and over? Thinking about what you want only? Not being the man others need you to be?”

“My family doesn’t need me, they need a face to present at boards meetings. No one needs _me_ now. Your team and Tyson’s team needed me to win championships, but that’s long over isn’t?”

Kai was the most talkative when he was angry.

“Tsk. As if we wouldn’t have been able to win a championship without you,” Tala scoffed, his voice growing louder. “You’ve _never_ done anything for me, Kai.”

“You’ve never asked for anything.”

The remark triggered something in Tala.

“Of course I have!” the redhead suddenly screamed. “Multiple times! So many times I crushed my ego asking for stuff and you told me to go fuck myself!”

Kai seemed to falter. “That’s not-”

“Where were you when my team and I were still stuck at the Abbey after you left? Where were you when we had to work odd jobs because Boris had stolen our entire life savings? Where were you when we tore down BEGA?”

Kai tried to retort back, but he got interrupted again.

“I NEEDED YOU, AND YOU WERE NOT THERE!”

Tala’s eyes were full of rage. His anger was palpable. He was pacing around Kai, shoulders slightly crouched, as if he was about to attack. There was something animalistic in the way he moved.

Kai knew he needed to be careful. Last time he had seen Tala in such a mood, the redhead had thrown a chair at him. Tala’s anger was a fire one shouldn’t pour gasoline over.

Keeping his composure as best as he could, Kai answered, “I brought Brooklyn down.”

Tala’s face went from anger, to surprise, to mockery.

“Who gives a shit about Brooklyn?! It was always about _you_ and your stupid, selfish goals. It was _never_ about anything else. You didn’t care that Boris was building a shinier version of the Abbey.”

“It was years ago. You said it yourself, I have changed a lot since then.”

“You haven’t changed all that much. It’s always the same pattern with you. You just ask me for stuff and then you leave. ‘Oh Tala, help me get Black Dranzer,’ and like an idiot I do. ‘Tala, can I rejoin your team?’… ‘Tala, I need to beat Tyson, can I rejoin your team, _AGAIN_?’ ‘Tala, I am now legally a billionaire, can I crash at your place for free?”

“You think I’m an asshole,” Kai plainly said.

This time, it wasn’t a question.

Tala chuckled. “Of fucking course I think you’re an asshole. Everyone who knows you thinks you’re an asshole!”

Kai knew he was going to lose this round. Tala had opened the gates of years of accumulated ressentment and the flood was not stopping.

“Eventually, I stopped asking,” the redhead continued, “I knew you wouldn’t be there. People don’t hold you accountable, because they know they can’t rely on you. I guess your Japanese teammates think otherwise, but their expectations are abysmally low. Maybe I was a fool in that regard. To expect you to be a good person and do the right thing, for once.”

Kai had nothing to answer with. Every word hit with surgical precision. Tala was cruelest when in pain.

The redhead took a few moments to recompose himself and rested his back against the wall. When he spoke again, his voice was barely a murmur.

“Maybe I am the idiot here. I shouldn’t care so much. It’s just the way you are, after all. I tried so many times to build bridges, and you’ve set every one of them on fire. So I created a life without you in it. You made it limpid you didn’t want to be more than teammates.”

The young man sighed.

“And in spite of everything, a part of me still yearns for your acceptance. I cannot _not care_. A part of me still wants the _Great_ Kai Hiwatari to be my friend.”

Tala took a bitter pause and concluded, “Just like a child.”

He slid his back down the wall, bringing his legs to a crouching position and closed his eyes.

Kai sat down next to him. He had rarely seen this side of Tala, raw with honesty. In a voice softer than he would have liked, the Hiwatari heir asked,

“I know what I said, but… Aren’t we friends already? I suck at friendship. In the most vulnerable moments of my life, I begged for your company. Isn’t that enough proof?”

Tala chuckled.

“Friendship is a two-way relationship. You can’t just ask, ask, ask, and never give in return.”

“What do you want from me Tala?”

“There’s nothing you _can_ offer me.”

They spent a few minutes in a heavy silence, sitting side to side in the darkness of the living room.

Tala was right.

He was fucking right.

Now that his head had been shoved into his own bullshit, Kai saw it too, clear as day. Tala was right to not trust him. Kai had never been there for him. Kai had never been there for anyone.

At the Abbey, Kai had hated how everyone’s attention was always on Tala. The other kids would have jumped in front of a train for him. He was respected and even when Boris tried to kill his charisma by humiliating him in public, young Tala always managed to regain his composure. Kai was the better beyblader of the two, but the top of the mountain was a lonely place.

Kai finally broke the silence. “It never occurred to me that you might need me.”

“What a stupid excuse.”

“I’m not making excuses.” Kai defended. “I never pictured you as someone who might need my help. Or _anyone’s_ help for that matter.... You’re… one of the few people I look up to.”

Kai felt more than he saw the gaze on him.

“You look up to me? Why?”

“You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

It was not an empty compliment. It was a fact. Tala got ripped apart young and managed to build himself back. Tala had created the life he wanted from scratch. Kai had always been able to rely on his family, his name, his money. He played the lone wolf, but it was an act. Tala was truly self-made. He owed nothing to no one.

“Winning beyblade matches was the only thing I didn’t suck at,” continued Kai, “I was never good at anything else. So I never let people get their hopes up.”

“You’re too harsh with yourself. You could accomplish everything you set your mind to.”

Wanting to put an end to this uncomfortable conversation, Kai conceaded,

“Does it help if I say that I’m sorry?”

“It’s a start.”

They spent a few more moments in silence. Kai never been good at human relationships and now he hated himself for making Tala feel like this. He wasn’t supposed to care that much, but he did.

He didn’t dare to look at the other. He could hear Tala breathing and he had to make a conscious effort to repress the stupid need to get some sort of closure. More than anything, he wanted to embrace him. To get a physical confirmation that the other was alright.

He wanted Tala to see _him_ as a source of comfort, for once.

Tala rose up and Kai followed suit.

“You’ve matured. The Kai I knew would commit seppuku before apologizing.”

Kai smiled.

“Trust me, it was just as painful.”

Tala exhaled almost in a laugh.

He gently placed his hand on Kai’s neck and Kai felt a shiver running down his spine.

“Heal your wounds, Hiwatari. It’s getting late. I’m going to bed. We can figure out your life tomorrow. If you let me help.”

Tala left, leaving a weird empty sensation where his hand had been.

What did Kai want?


	6. Day Six

**Day Six**

Since his conversation with Tala two days ago, Kai had been in limbo, suck in a no man’s land, torn between two incompatible futures.

He had vaguely been pursuing the two avenues at the same time, as if his entire life hadn’t been at stake. As if he was simply deciding what to have for dinner and not what the next sixty years of his existence would be.

He had received his fake British passport and taken arrangements for Voltaire’s estate. Two contradictory actions.

He had met the third name on his list of replacements while promising his family he would be back in time for the funeral. Two other contradictory actions.

The clock was ticking. Voltaire’s death would not stay a secret forever. It was a matter of days before the media found out.

Kai was inefficient when in doubt, and guilt had worsened his apathy.

The only highlight of his days had been Tala.

The moment Kai stopped resisting, the moment he let himself be vulnerable, a dam had collapsed inside him, drowning him in a need he didn’t know he could feel for another human.

 _Friendship_ wasn’t a word strong enough to cover the yearning that flared up in his chest whenever his former teammate was close.

Kai wasn’t sure if those feelings were due to confusion, grief, or if they had been inside of him all this time, ready to bloom.

It didn’t matter anyway.

He knew his time in Russia would come to an end, one way or another. There was no point in exploring further.

In a week, he would be in another country and he would not see Tala for months, or even years.

He would, once again, leave.

Kai did not allow himself to dwell on it.

Instead, he decided to spend as much time with Tala as possible.

Every minute counted.

He’d even requested to visit the BBA’s office as an excuse.

Tala had paraded him around, at ease in his environment. This brief return in the beyblade world had been a breath of fresh air for Kai. It had been just like back in the days, Tala and him discussing equipment and strategies.

Kai got struck again by how much Tala had changed. He was no longer the cyborg Boris had created. He had a job, hobbies, friends. He read about quantum physics before going to bed and learned foreign languages in his free time.

Kai was mesmerized by this newer, happier Tala.

_I created a life without you in it._

Kai hoped Tala would be willing to make up for the lost years.

Because Kai was not going back to a life without him in it.

No way in hell.

* * *

**Day Six**   
**4pm**

Kai came back to Tala’s flat at 4pm, after another useless meeting to discuss the ‘ _oh crucial’_ future of Hiwatari Enterprises in Russia.

As if stakeholders feared Voltaire’s death meant the heir would turn the company upside-down.

_Yeah, I was thinking of making my secretary the CEO and building a super suit in my garage._

Kai removed his blazer and tie and threw them on the couch.

“I hate these motherfuckers.”

Tala peaked at him from the kitchen door.

“Wow, already?”

His blue eyes glowed in amusement.

For all answer, Kai rolled his sleeves up and said, “I would try that gin your blonde friend gave you.”

“Kai, it’s 4 pm,” opposed Tala.

“So?”

There were several seconds of silence.

“You’re right, it’s _already_ 4pm. I’ll have one too,” Tala finally said, his concerned expression replaced by a playful smirk.

Kai took the initiative to prepare the drinks while Tala crashed on the sofa. While Kai was looking for ice cubes, he quipped,

“I thought you didn’t drink.”

A subtle _“I thought you had the raging alcoholic gene and had to stay sober.”_

Tala understood the silent question and explained, “On occasions. We both know it’s a vice I should not tease too much. I never drink by myself, ever.”

“So, you’re counting on me to pick you up if you barf all over the place?”

“When they get drunk, men in my bloodline tend to punch people way before barfing.”

Kai politely ignored the last remark and opened the cupboard. They had brushed over the topic before and it was a sure way of sending Tala into a depressing spiral.

Something Kai didn’t need that at the moment, on top of everything else.

Fortunately, the bottle the blonde girl had bought was high-quality gin.

Kai had learned that her name was Ella and she was indeed a professional ballerina. A ballerina with good taste in alcohol. Maybe she was worth getting to know, after all.

He served them two glasses and installed himself on the large chair in front of the couch. He took a sip of his before starting his rant.

“I hate these people. I get why Voltaire let his power get over his head. I could ask for the Bolshoi theatre and they would enquire to which address I want it mailed to. Impossible to have a serious discussion or honest opinions. You’re surrounded by posers and opportunists. If I thought people were fake before, it’s nothing compared to now.”

“Posers who will keep the secret that you’re here?”

“Obviously,” said Kai. “It makes them feel important. I just have to pretend they’re in my inner circle. And rinse, repeat, with everyone else.”

Tala shrugged. “That’s the corporate world for you.”

“I hate this. At least with you I can be honest. You’re one of the only people who can tell me to go fuck myself and be entirely within his rights.”

“Don’t you have other friends? I always see pictures of you surrounded by people.”

“Aside from my former team? No. If I had anyone in Japan, would I be here? I told you, I don’t even date.”

Kai realized too late that he had jumped feet first into another personal topic he didn’t want to explore with Tala.

Tala raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t or you’ve never?”

Kai choked on his gin and Tala assumed the worst.

“What, don’t tell me you’re a virgin, not with that face, that’s impossible.”

Kai’s cheeks turned scarlet.

“It’s not, that, no, I mean…”

Kai recomposed himself and muttered something about defenestration.

“I have been too busy to date. I don’t really see the appeal. Most people are boring as seven hells. That doesn’t mean I haven’t tried or haven’t done anything. There. You’re happy now?”

Tala whistled mockingly.

“Wow. If this how you talk about personal stuff, no wonder you’re single. This felt like pulling teeth.”

“I’m gonna smack the grin off your stupid face, stop mocking me,” Kai bit, his voice flaring with agitation. “You don’t look more settled down than I am.”

“Indeed, that is true,” conceded Tala.

“If you’re so much better, why are you still alone?”

“I never said I was better. I said you suck at sharing. You react to personal questions like a soldier reacts to a bomb threat.”

Tala sighed and gazed by the window, visibly ordering his thoughts. When he spoke, there was no laughter in his voice.

“I’ve learned that most people do not wish harm. But dating is tricky, and tiring. First, you need to meet someone that you could potentially like. Then, you need to… spend time with them, open up, figure out whether they’re crazy or not. At the same time, you need to assess whether they would be able to handle you, because plot twist, _you’re_ the crazy one. I’m poking fun at you, but I’m not exactly easy to deal with either.”

Tala ended his explanation with a theatrical hand gesture.

“So I don’t really _date_ , not often.”

Kai mentally shushed the little voice inside who felt the need to celebrate that Tala wasn’t tied to anyone at the moment.

In a voice he wanted detached, he asked, “How about that ballerina?”

“Ella?” said Tala, surprised. “She’s married to her art. And she’s not my type. The media love to think we’re together, so we let it be. I told you before, she’s just a friend.”

“What exactly is your type if _she_ didn’t make the cut?” Kai asked, trying to keep his tone casual.

Tala leaned towards him and plunged his eyes in his.

For a split second, Kai forgot how to breathe.

He wondered if Tala realized how intense his stare could be.

“If I told you...” the redhead said in a low voice, “you wouldn’t believe me.”

His lips stretched in a mocking grin and he reclined back into the couch as the tension fell.

Discreetly releasing the breath he had been holding, Kai chose to redirect the subject.

“You would think after all these years we would be over it.”

Tala didn’t need to ask what Kai was talking about.

The Abbey.

The nightmare that had been the mass of brick and concrete.

“It doesn’t work that way,” said Tala staring again by the window, “we’re fucked up forever.”

They finished their drinks in comfortable silence.

Funny how they’d known each other for years, but they only discussed dating now.

One would have thought that an all-male team such as the Neoborgs would spent every minute discussing sex and women, but nothing had been farther from the truth.

Back in their competition days, the Neoborgs had never discussed dating. Ever. Or girls, or preferences, or anything else related.

Boris had drilled into their mind that any kind of relationship was a sign of weakness and a waste of time. Their only role in life was to win, at all costs.

For years, Kai had stroked his own ego by assuming this mindset made him superior to others. He thought his disinterest was synonym with maturity.

What a farce.

Only now did he see the truth.

The aggressive teenager he was had morphed into a lonely, affection-starved man apparently able to develop an obsession with any human willing to treat him nicely.

How pathetic.

He got dragged back to reality by Tala’s voice.

“By the way. Don’t forget that we’re going out tomorrow. I’ve been invited to an art gallery opening before the bar, so you might want to meet me there.”

“Sounds good.”

Kai took his blazer and tie and retired to his room. He still had things to do before dinner.


	7. Day Seven

**Day Seven**   
**8pm**

Kai had never liked modern art.

Sure, art itself was fine. He enjoyed the occasional visit to the museum. He had learned to appreciate Rodin and Vermeer, but he had never understood how people could pay millions for a piece that looked like it had been done by a drunk toddler. Tala had tried to explain the whys and hows, and Kai had almost fallen asleep. Needless to say, the Hiwatari heir would normally never set foot in a modern art gallery unless he was paid for it.

But as every minute counted, he had swallowed his disinterest, put on a nice shirt and decent coat and pretended to give a shit about St. Petersburg’s art scene.

He was pathetic.

He was aware of how pathetic he was.

Tala was invited to a bunch of events like this because Tala was apparently acquainted with Russia’s intelligentsia and that’s how those people spent their time.

Kai didn’t bother with a disguise. No one expected Kai Hiwatari to show up to some hipster event, so he knew would be left alone.

He had left Tala’s flat after the sunset and arrived at the stupid gallery alone.

And now he was pretending to admire some gigantic painting that looked like someone had dropped pasta sauce on a canvas. Tala was busy making small talk with the owner and Kai could only patiently wait. They had not seen each other today.

Tala had been out all day, spending some time with his mother.

Kai had finally learned the truth about this, from the man himself.

It had always been an open secret that Tala’s mother ran away when he was young, leaving him under the care of an alcoholic father. Boris Balkov had found him starved and homeless, and the rest was history. Tala had always supposed his mother had abandoned him out of spite and rage, and frankly he couldn’t blame her. Kai had been told the rest yesterday...

A few years ago, Tala’s mother had contacted her son, repenting, remorseful, begging for a place back in his life.

Tala should have refused.

The downside of being famous is that you never knew when people just wanted money.

Against all odds, Tala had said yes. He wanted to believe her. He wanted to repair the bridges.

Most of all, he needed closure, in a way or another.

She had been honest so far, so Tala kept in regular contact with her.

Kai didn’t know how Tala managed.

_He is truly, the strongest person I know._

Kai despised his own mother. Everything he hated about himself, he got it from her. She was a viper. A cunning, selfish, arrogant, cruel piece of a woman. They had never liked each other.

He didn’t know how Tala could forgive the person responsible for the gaping wound at the core of his heart.

Kai knew he wouldn’t.

* * *

Kai got brought back to reality by a blonde head appearing in his line of sight.

He knew this demeanor, the quick fairy-like steps.

Ella.

With everything Tala had shared, he felt comfortable initiating the conversation.

“You have good taste in gin.”

She offered a wide smile. “Thank you! I’m glad to finally meet you properly, Kai.”

The overbearing happiness and the blonde hair sharply reminded Kai of Max Tate. He suddenly understood why Tala liked her.

“You’re Ella.”

“Yes.”

A few seconds passed. Kai plunged. “I left in a hurry the first time I saw you. I thought I was… interrupting something.”

“I figured. No worries, you’re not the first person to make that mistake.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Yeah,” she answered with a soft laugh, “We let them talk. He’s still one of the most famous sportsmen in the country, the public is desperate for him to settle down.”

Ella then turned her gaze towards Tala, still busy with someone else.

“I don’t mind, I mean look at him. He’s gorgeous.”

Kai fought the ‘ _Yes_ ’ that almost escaped his mouth.

He would have to be careful, especially if he intended to drink tonight. This wasn’t the time nor the place to lose control.

Kai didn’t have to ask why Ella and Tala didn’t deny. Being in the public eye meant that any member of the opposite sex that breathed too close was never seen as ‘ _just a friend_.’ Denying only ever fueled the rumors.

Kai ignored her latest remark and said, “It sucks that you’ve been relegated to the token girlfriend role.”

“It’s alright.” she answered, playing with her scarf. “It doesn’t bother me. I don’t date anyway.”

“Tala mentioned you were focused on your career.” Kai politely added in hopes of switching topic.

He added ‘Learn to be more casual about personal stuff’ to his mental to-do list.

She let go of her scarf and an uncomfortable smile danced on her lips.

“That’s a way to put it.”

She stared at him, visibly deciding whether he was worthy of more details. She apparently decided he was, because she continued her explanation.

“Actually, it’s half the truth. Yes, I am focused on ballet. It takes a big chunk of my time and energy. You were a beyblader, you can understand. But… dating so far has been stupid boring. I just… I’ve never met anyone I wanted to be more-than-friends with.”

She took a short pause, ordering her thoughts.

“I know it might not make much sense to you… But it’s how I am. I’ve never kissed anyone and felt my world turn upside-down. So what’s the point? Until someone moves me the way Prokofiev does, I prefer to not waste my time.”

Ella concluded by dramatically raising her hands above her head, as if she had just unveiled the plot twist of her own existence.

Kai felt a shiver going down his spine.

He had never heard his own experience put so clearly into words before.

Kai nodded, hiding under an indifferent facade how well he could relate. “I suppose that makes sense.”

The conversation had taken a serious turn extremely fast.

“Is that why you’re friends with Tala?”

“He is a good human being.” Ella simply said, as if it explained everything.

“I mean… is he… like you too?”

She rose a surprised eyebrow.

“I thought you two were friends. You should know.”

“We have a complicated history,” admitted Kai.

She nodded, as if satisfied by this vague answer.

“I don’t think he is like me. He was with someone back in Germany. But it ended. He’s not seeing anyone at the moment.”

Kai tilted.

_In Germany?_

* * *

When Tala finally found him, Ella was gone and Kai was pretending to admire a gigantic painting of surrealist waves. The only one so far that wasn’t awful.

Tala had a distinct way of moving. _Almost graceful_ , had a drunk Raul Fernandez once piped. No one had dared to deny. Not even Kai.

There was a predatory elegance to Tala.

“I didn’t think you would stick around,” Tala commented.

“When were you in Germany?” Kai abruptly asked.

The question took Tala off guard.

“When I came back you mean? Or when I last went?”

Now it was Kai’s turn to be confused.

“What do you mean when you ‘came back’.”

The truth suddenly hit Tala like a truck.

He slowly explained, “I lived for a year in Berlin. The BBA sent me there for a one-year project. I came back a few months ago.”

_A year_

Tala waited for an indication that Kai remembered this detail, but when none came, his smile faded and he tilted his head uncomfortably.

“You weren’t keeping tabs on me uh?”

_A year_

Kai felt the general apathy he had been carrying around since the beginning of the night shattering.

He didn’t have anything smart to answer. There was nothing to be said. Tala had lived abroad for a full year and Kai had no idea. They texted during that time. They had phone calls. Kai should have known.

_I needed you and you were not there._

Was he really so self-involved?

Tala broke the uncomfortable silence by saying:

“C’mon, let’s go. Ella is waiting for us.”

* * *

The bar was a reputed establishment in the middle of the city. Ella had rented an entire section for her friends. Kai didn’t know how many people were there, but a dozen was a gross underestimate.

Kai did recognize a few faces and clearly, some people recognized him too. He repeated the same lie, he was here to take care of some family matters and please do not talk to the press.

He vaguely noticed that the rest of the Neoborgs had showed up. Not feeling like initiating small talk, he ignored their presence.

He mostly stayed by Tala’s side, letting him do the socializing.

It was a side of Tala he rarely saw. Not a mask, but a nicer, softer version of his usual demeanor.

Kai was not surprised that this version existed, because he had seen it countless times, he was just surprised that Tala was comfortable sharing it with the rest of the world.

The evening progressed without much fuss.

Happy to have finally found someone who enjoyed expensive liquors as much as she did, Ella had him try everything on the menu.

“Tala should have introduced us much faster. I swear that man wouldn’t taste the difference between soda and champagne”, she had giggled.

* * *

Two hours later, the promise Kai had made to himself to take it easy was gone, washed away with the fourth or fifth glass he had poured down his throat.

On the bright side, his evening had been better than planned.

On the not-so-bright side, he was slightly more inebriated than planned.

This was not good.

He rose up and went to the bathroom in order to get some water on his face, to regain some sense of control.

It’s only when Kai caught his own reflection in the bathroom mirror and his own glossy and unfocused eyes stared back that the truth hit him; he was already drunk.

Kai breathed in and out.

He wasn’t a terrible drunk. Mostly, he was even more withdrawn and sleepy. He could handle this.

His main fear was doing something stupid when Tala was around.

All evening he had been repressing the urge to touch Tala, to graze his hand against his, to sit closer than necessary.

How was that even possible. A week ago he was looking for some escapism, and now he could barely contain the craving for his childhood teammate.

The fact that Tala was a man was a small detail that his psyche had ignored in order not to panic, but he knew he would have to address it one day or another.

Maybe it had always been there, ready to explode once Kai agreed to open up.

This was ridiculous and so anti-Kai, it should have made him laugh.

Because of course, nothing he needed more when his life was at a crossroad than a one-sided crush on a guy.

* * *

When he came back from the bathroom, Tala was sitting in the same spot, but Kai’s place had been taken over by someone else.

One of those blondes with incredibly long legs that only Eastern Europe could create.

She was touching his wrist slightly and laughing at whatever he was saying.

Kai felt rage bursting in his chest.

This was wrong.

But then, the part of his psyche still functioning reminded him that he was in the wrong here. Tala could speak to whoever he wanted. Tala could flirt if he wanted. Hell, Tala could bang her in the same bathroom that Kai had just exited and Kai wouldn’t have a word to say.

The thought alone made his blood boil.

It took every fiber of will he still could muster to walk away.

Tala didn’t need him to destroy his precarious dating life.

Kai tortured himself into not looking at them and sat directly at the counter of the bar, pretending to study the menu.

It was fine.

He was busy reading the wine list for the fourth time, when a feminine voice whispered in his ear:

“Have you tried the negroni here? They’re _magnificent_.”

The voice came from a tall red-haired girl that Max Tate would have described as _magnificent_.

“No, I have not.”

She leaned towards Kai close enough for a strand of her hair to tickle his arm.

Her lips formed a flirty pout. “Let’s order two.”

Kai glanced at Tala, still busy talking to the blonde.

Kai plastered the fake smile he used for stakeholders meetings and turned his attention back to the girl.

“That sounds great.”

* * *

**Day Eight**   
**2 am maybe? Kai didn’t know. Fuck, had the lights outside always been so shiny?**

Kai vaguely remembered leaving the bar.

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but when he opened his eyes, he was in a taxi and they were on the highway. Somewhere.

Tala was sitting next to him, looking by the window.

Alone.

Somewhere in his drunken confused state, something inside Kai danced.

He didn’t know how he would have reacted if Tala had brought the blonde girl with him.

Tala’s words echoed in his mind again.

_I created a life without you in it._

And boy he wasn’t kidding. The more it went, the more Kai realized just how little he knew Tala.

It bothered him. It shouldn’t, but it did.

Kai broke the silence.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Germany.”

Tala had clearly not followed his train of thoughts.

“What?”

“You lived in Germany for a year, and I had no idea.”

Tala laughed.

“Jeez, you’re a lot more drunk than I thought you were.”

Kai fought the urge to close his eyes and answered angrily, “I’m not.”

Tala got closer and wrapped his arm around Kai’s shoulder, keeping the young man upright in his seat.

“Yes you are, you were just pretending up there.”

“Stop switching topic.”

Tala shook him gently, as if to reassure him.

“Kai, it doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t have been relevant to you.”

“Friends are supposed to know this shit.”

“I was not your friend.”

Without thinking, Kai let his mind speak.

“You’ve always been important.”

Tala’s eyes widened in shock, but Kai was too drunk to care.

“I just suck at this. Friendships, relationships. I don’t know how to treat people who are important to me.”

“You’ll learn. Just admitting this, it’s a beginning.” Tala answered.

It took all of Kai’s remaining mental energy to shut up now. Otherwise he would have continued to say things he hadn’t yet admitted to himself.

Kai felt himself drifting to sleep again and fought the urge to rest his head on Tala’s shoulder. He wasn’t in the mood to fight.

“Just so you know,” said Tala trying to lighten up the atmosphere, “I think Oksana was trying to bring you back to her place.”

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Redhead who kept ordering super strong negroni?”

Kai nodded, which apparently was funny because Tala continued to mock him.

“My God, you’re drunk. I guess I’m the red-haired person bringing you home instead. Don’t puke on me.”

“I won’t, I’m _fine_.”

“You’re not, and you were not a week ago. That’s why you’re here. Can you admit it now? Or we’re going to pretend you don’t need anything and this is just a vacation?”

Again, Tala was right.

The words stumbled from his mouth before Kai could refrain them, “I need _you_.”

Tala shifted uncomfortably and Kai understood he was perhaps pushing too far. However, his drunk state didn’t care, every word had felt like a small liberation.

He continued, “I do need you. Every time. I keep running back to you. It’s not… just selfishness. ”

Tala smiled and gently pulled Kai so his head would rest on his shoulder.

“I’m here. Stop running.”

Kai should have hated this, but he didn’t. He should have wanted to push the other away, but he didn’t. He felt safe like never before and at that particular moment, there was nothing wrong in the universe.

He would hate his vulnerability in the morning.

Kai must have dozed off because he was woken up by Tala gently shaking him.

“We’re here.”

Tala kept his arms around his shoulders and Kai clenched the back of his coat. He could pretend to have trouble walking if that meant spending a few more blessed minutes like this.

“Let’s take the service elevator. More discreet.”

They walked to the back of the building and Tala pushed him in the service elevator, a small metal box that had probably been designed after a coffin.

Tala and Kai were crammed inside.

Tala had not removed his arm from his shoulders and Kai didn’t complain.

He was so close, he could see every shade of blue in Tala’s eyes. The tiny scar that crossed his left eyebrow. The edge of his cheekbone and the contour of his jaw.

The urge to touch him was burning him inside.

Tala practically dragged him back to his apartment, unaware of Kai’s inner turmoil.

He opened the door and was about to help Kai remove his coat, when Kai stumbled on the carpet.

Tala grabbed his collar and made sure he stayed on his feet.

Tala slid his hand in the back of Kai’s neck and brought his face dangerously close, trying to meet his eyes.

“Kai, look at me. Are you ok?”

Kai couldn’t answer.

They were too close.

He was too drunk.

This was dangerous.

Kai shifted his weight ever so slightly so his forehead rested against Tala’s and their noses touched and before he could mentally restrain himself, he had brushed his lips on the others’ in the chastest kiss he could, exhilarated that he had mustered the courage, terrified of the implications.

Kai tore himself from Tala as quickly as he could, not daring to meet his eyes.

They rested like this, awkwardly standing in front of each other for what felt like an eternity, until Tala ordered in a whisper, “Go to sleep. Now.”

Without even looking at him, Kai made his way to the bedroom, removed his clothes and crashed on the bed.


	8. Day Eight

**Day Eight**  
**11am**

Kai woke up for the first time in a long time with a splitting headache.

The memories of the night before quickly came back to the surface, twisting his insides in an uncomfortable knot.

It took him half an hour to muster the strength to leave his room.

Tala wasn’t there.

Good. He wasn’t sure he would be able to face him right now.

Kai dragged himself to the bathroom and attempted to wash away his hangover with a hot shower.

Yesterday had been a series of mistakes. Where to even begin?

He had showed up to a crowded bar when he was supposed to be laying low.

He had gotten drunk like he hadn’t in years.

He had seen two consenting people flirting and had reacted like a child.

He had probably given false hopes to that red-haired girl.

And he had overstepped Tala’s boundaries in an irremediable way.

The thought alone made him cringe. If he could go back in time and erase his stupidity, he would.

Tala had probably been too shocked to react yesterday, but Kai knew the incident wouldn’t be brushed aside. Tala never ran away from problems. Tala 2.0 was perhaps nicer, but that didn’t mean he had suddenly turned soft. Tala had a way to find your weak spot and hit it until it bled.

Kai got a reminder the other night, when Tala had yelled awful truths at him.

At best, the redhead would kick him out. Kai dared not to imagine the worst.

Maybe he should pack his bag and find a hotel, just in case. Do what he did best, leave without a word.

After a long shower and a plain breakfast, Kai settled for a compromise. He packed his bag, but decided to wait for Tala’s return before leaving.

Tala deserved at least an apology.

The former captain of the Russian team hated being randomly touched. He used to wear his heavy competition outfit like an armor, the bottom of his face often slightly hidden in the collar.

Distant.

Protected from the outside world.

Tala had grown more comfortable with human contact now. He didn’t react like a startled animal to people shaking his hand or walking too close.

However, that didn’t mean Kai was free to jump on him like he had done yesterday.

Speaking of which, Kai didn’t wear his feelings on his sleeve either. He guarded his heart with the defensiveness of a dragon, only offering glimpses to those he deemed worthy.

Yesterday, his impulsivity had him left exposed. He felt stripped naked, his inner turmoils laid bare before Tala.

Vulnerable.

Humiliated.

Terrified.

However, his own foolishness wasn’t the main detail that bothered Kai.

There was something else. One detail that made the knot in his abdomen as heavy as a brick.

Kai could be impulsive, but he had notions of respect and consent. Physical contact was difficult enough without having someone recoil under his touch. Normally, before attempting anything, he made sure the other person was on board.

Which he hadn’t yesterday.

If this wasn’t a strong enough reason to kick him out, nothing would be.

* * *

**Day Eight**  
**1pm**

Tala finally texted him.

However, the text Kai received wasn’t the litany of insults he was expecting.

‘Check the news. Don’t freak out’

Kai’s blood froze in his veins.

He knew what he was going to see before turning on the TV and opening his laptop.

The moment Kai had been dreading for a week was finally here:

The death of Voltaire Hiwatari had finally been made public.

It was simply announced that Voltaire Hiwatari has died of cardiac failure. No foul play was suspected. Kai watched with dispassion Voltaire’s representative giving a short speech, updating the media on the decisions taken by the family.

The funerals would take place in the following weeks.

His grandson, former beyblade champion Kai Hiwatari, would take over his duties.

Kai had declined all interviews and was taking care of family matters.

_Yeah, as if. I just ghosted everyone._

In that sense, he was no better than his father.

Kai was no longer an heir. Kai was now the Head of the Hiwatari family.

One jerk to rule them all.

* * *

His first decision as Official Chief of The Hiwatari Family had been going to the gym.

One of the reasons Kai missed beyblading was that he didn’t know a better way to deal with stress than a match.

Doing squats couldn’t even be compared to literally lighting a stadium on fire.

However, it wouldn’t help his case by burning down Tala’s condominium gym, so he settled for a regular workout.

The gym was thankfully empty. He spent three hours exercising every muscle of his body until the pain blurred his thoughts. And if that wasn’t enough, he went for a run, with sunglasses and a hoodie and the hope no one would spot the lone jogger as the runaway new CEO.

His muscles would hate him tomorrow. Ever since he retired from the beyblade world, he had managed to keep a somewhat-healthy regular training schedule, but this punishing workout was out of the ordinary.

Kai came back to the apartment before sunset, took a shower, and changed into clean clothes.

When he exited his bedroom, Tala was back.

Time to face the music.

* * *

**Day Eight**  
**5pm**

Over the years, Kai had perfected his stone-cold nonchalant face and that’s how he chose to deal with Tala.

He asked, in a tone he wanted neutral, “Where were you?”

The redhead had brought groceries and emptied them as they spoke.

“Out. How is the headache?”

“The one in my head or the one on TV?”

Tala smiled.

“Both.”

At least Tala was talking to him normally. Kai chuckled.

“I’ve seen worse.”

Tala nodded, but his eyes were filled with concern and something Kai couldn’t quite decipher.

He got a painful flashback of the night before and forcefully censored the memory.

Kai nodded back, keeping his expression neutral. Tala finished putting away the last item from the bag and stood in the kitchen, facing him.

A silence fell.

Before Kai could jump into the main subject, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

His mother was calling him.

* * *

The voice that came out of Kai’s phone felt like glass shards against his ear.

“I suppose you’ve seen the news. Are you going to stop hiding like a fucking coward or are we going to have to _drag_ you back to Japan?”

Tala had gotten closer to hear the conversation. He raised his eyebrows and mouthed a silent ‘ _Wow_.’

“Give me one more week,” answered Kai in the same glacial tone, “Just tell people I need to process stuff.”

“Everyone knows you have no emotional depth, that would sound like a lie.”

“Make something up then.” Kai bit in his irritation.

“I already have.” She said as if expecting a congratulation. “I told everyone you were busy taking care of his estate. Keep that story when you come back.”

Kai wasn’t sure if this was a suggestion or an order, so he simply answered, “I will.”

“And Kai? If you’re not back in a week, I’m sending someone to get you, willingly or not. I’m serious.”

The last sentence had been said through gritted teeth.

“I understand.”

His mother took a moment to recompose herself and continued her interrogation.

“Can you at least tell me what you’re doing? … Oh gosh, no one is pregnant, are they?”

Tala silently laughed and Kai gave him an irritated stare.

“No, no one is pregnant. I’m just taking some time off. I didn’t feel like dealing with the frenzy.”

“Well, better getting used to it.” She remarked, “It’s your life from now on.”

She hung up without saying goodbye and Kai released a sigh.

“Oh, how I had missed that lovely voice!” Tala joked.

Kai was still staring at his phone, thinking.

“She is less pissed than expected, which is both a relief and concerning.”

“She does not want to deal with you.” Hypothesized Tala. “You have one more week of peace.”

Kai nodded. Another silence fell.

Kai plunged, “Speaking of which, I should go to a hotel.”

“Why?” Asked Tala in a voice too innocent to be genuine.

Kai was about to retort ‘You know why’ but stopped himself just in time.

Something in Tala’s face.

The clenched jaw. The subtle frown in the eyebrows.

The fact that Tala had witnessed Kai’s most humiliating night to date and had chosen to ignore it.

Kai finally solved the puzzle. Tala was a terrible liar. He wasn’t at ease. But he didn’t want Kai to leave.

Tala was playing dumb to save Kai’s ego. This was a peace offering.

Kai took it. “Well… you’re… busy.”

A silent understanding passed between the two.

“It’s ok.” Tala answered with a vague hand gesture. “Anyway, I assume you’ll be busy too. You know… with the funerals and all that.”

Kai nodded again.

He wasn’t sure why Tala was behaving so nicely. He doubted it was out of pure kindness. 

One thing was for sure, Tala certainly not grown soft, melted into a puddle of his former self. Tala had proven enough just how vicious he could be.

Maybe he knew Kai needed him.

Or maybe he couldn’t bear the though of one more person walking through the door and never ever coming back.

Kai would have to solve this mystery as well.

“I’ll stay one more week, maximum.”

Tala’s face returned to a normal expression and he agreed, “That sounds reasonable. Fine, and if a drunk girl crashes your bed again, I don’t care, you take the couch.”


	9. Day Nine

**Day Nine**

Kissing Tala had not extinguished the yearning inside.

It had made it worse.

An idiotic part of his brain had hoped that now that he had given in, his skin would stop lighting itself on fire whenever Tala was close.

How wrong this theory had proven to be.

Kai had lost precious hours of sleep mentally toying with the whys and the hows. Kai had been with women before, but the experiences had left him disillusioned. Every step of the weird courtship dance had been disappointing.

He vividly remembered Ella’s words; “ _I have never kissed someone and felt my world turn upside-down.”_ Up until two days ago, he could have said the same.

He had never expected the person to awake such a yearning inside him would be Tala.

However, his questioning wasn’t the only thing keeping him awake.

Over the last days, he had been bombarded with calls, emails, and mandatory meetings with different stakeholders that he couldn’t turn away without alienating his network.

Tala had encouraged him to give this CEO-And-Head-Of-Family thing a go and Kai had admitted begrudgingly it was the best option for now. The entire business world having its attention focused on Hiwatari Enterprises, he couldn’t possibly flee at the moment. His window was gone and it would take a few weeks until it came back. He had kept his fake passport, fake background, and new bank accounts. Just in case. The cage wasn’t closed yet.

When he hadn’t been playing CEO, he had been torturing himself at the gym. He had asked Tala if they could battle at the BBA and Tala had promised to get back to him. Now more than ever he needed to see Dranzer unleash her power. He needed to burn something down.

He surprised himself to wish Voltaire was still alive. Funny how he both despised the old man and missed the stable presence. There was a hole where Voltaire had stood, as if a bad tooth had just been extracted.

Kai hadn’t always hated Voltaire. There had been a time where he had admired his grandfather and craved his approval. He would have done anything to be deemed worthy of his love. This included spending four years in an Abbey and stealing bitbeasts as part of a crazy, Machiavellian plan.

And when Kai had realized Voltaire was nothing more than a greedy businessman, when on that lake in Russia it clicked that he had yet again been used, his illusion shattered. Kai had since made peace with the fact that no one in his immediate family loved him. To his father he has been a burden, to his mother he was a problem, and to his grandfather, he had been a tool.

Tyson and his team had been his first real friends. They treated him like one treats a stray cat- feral and aggressive, but deserving of love and care nonetheless. If you’re lucky, he might let you get close without biting. And that was interpreted as love and not arrogance.

Tala was different. Tala had offered his friendship multiple times. Kai had rebuffed all of those attempts. He didn’t need friends who knew him through and through. He disliked the idea of being needed for anything else than his blading skills. He couldn’t bear the mortifying ordeal of being vulnerable.

And now, Tala had seen further than anyone else before.

Tala should have pushed him away. He should have called him names. But no, the idiot had brushed the incident away and Kai wasn’t sure if that made the situation better or worse.

Better, because Tala still allowed him here. Worse, because at least if he had been rejected clear and quick, Kai would have been able to shush the little voice inside demanding more.

Not once had Tala brought up the humiliating evening. They had continued their little routine as if nothing had happened. They had finally discussed Tala’s life and his year in Berlin.

Maybe they could continue like this. In a few days, Kai would be away and the incident would become a distant memory. If he focused enough, maybe he could even pretend that night had never happened.

He would leave Russia and close the door behind him.

If he could achieve this, it would be the greatest display of self-control he had ever showed.

* * *

**Day Nine**   
**9pm**

Both Tala and Kai arrived late at the flat that evening. At Kai’s request, they had opened another bottle of liquor and Kai had been careful to stay at a safe distance from Tala. It was easier to vent when he was not entirely sober.

They had been discussing the future of Hiwatari Enterprises together and Tala couldn’t hide how happy he was that Kai had, against all odds, decided to take Voltaire’s place.

Kai didn’t have the heart to reveal that he still left his options open.

“You were right. About Voltaire.”

“What do you mean?” Tala asked.

“I… I can’t believe he’s gone. I wished him dead so many times and now I don’t know what to think.”

Looking pensively by the window, Kai asked, “How was it when Boris died?”

Tala's brows furrowed in confusion. “Uh?”

“You talk about father figures. He saved you. Gave you a home.”

Tala stared at his empty glass, slowly shaking his head from left to right, putting together the right words.

“More or less. He used us. We were guinea pigs. He never gave a crap about us. That was a tough pill to swallow, but I’m okay now. Now, I have my team, which is a little family in itself. I have my mother and her new husband and even a step-sister!”

Tala offered a rare genuine smile.

“Funny how the tables have turned,” remarked Kai, stoic.

“That’s bullshit.” Tala said, closing his eyes. “You have friends too. You have everything. I have no education, no name. I grew up with no family at all. You… you grew up supported. Surrounded.”

Tala put his hand together in a cup position, to emphasize his point.

“My family never liked me.” Kai retorted, “I was born because the Hiwatari needed an heir. How cool is that, to know you were created out of filial duty and raised out of obligation? I told you, most people don’t like me. I have to be the best at what I do because that is the only way people _tolerate_ me.”

The words had escaped him before he could stop them. Tala blinked, as if suddenly understanding something.

“Is that why you’re such a bitch, Kai? You think you have nothing to offer?”

Kai stared at his former teammate. Tala had, again, hit home. Kai left the answer in the air and simply said, “I can’t even blame you for… _creating a life without me in it_.”

“I did it because you kept pushing me away,” explained Tala, his ocean eyes scanning Kai’s face for a reaction. “I told you, I needed you and you were _not there_. I still remember… waking up in that hospital after my match with Garland. My team was there, but you weren’t. As if you didn’t care I had put my life on the line for the greater good. As if you were indifferent to my existence.”

Kai slammed his glass on the table and stood up.

“I was there, I visited you, multiple times!” Kai snapped, his voice getting louder and louder, “I thought you were going to die! I spent hours sitting by your side, watching you...”

“Is that how you deal with feelings?” Tala chuckled, slowly getting up as well. “Watching from afar but never doing anything meaningful when the person is actually there? Cause feelings are scary?”

Tala continued, “You’re pathetic.”

“Don’t use that word or—"

Tala flashed a mocking grin.

“Or what? You can’t do anything.”

“You can’t either.” Kai challenged.

“That’s not true. I could tell your entire family that you’re here.”

The two men were now standing face to face, as if about to duel. Kai got a flashback of their numerous arguments from their beyblade days. Kai crossed his arms on his chest and said,

“I could call a shitty tabloid and tell them about your mama. They do love a sob story.”

Tala gave a dismissive hand gesture, unworried, confident.

“Go ahead, they would just pity me. Me, on the other hand. I could tell how much of a spoiled little princess you are and no one would be surprised. Kai Hiwatari, in the midst of a crisis, fleeing to Russia and spending his nights drinking—“

“You stop right now, or—“

Tala rolled his eyes.

“Or what? What are you going to do? Unleash Dranzer in my apartment? Can you imagine the lawsuit?”

Kai shrugged. “I have enough lawyers to take care of this.”

Tala raises an eyebrow.

“Aren’t they busy keeping your family members out of prison?”

“Fuck you.” Kai said through gritted teeth.

Tala flashed a cocky grin, “You fucking wish.”

Before the rational part of his mind could stop him, Kai jumped on the bait, “I could tell _that_ to the press. I could tell what we’ve—“

Kai interrupted himself.

Not this.

He had managed to block the memory altogether for a few blessed hours and Tala’s teasing had brought it up back to the surface. The words had slipped before he was able to refrain them.

Kai had just ended the armistice and he only had himself to blame.

Tala’s stare darkened and his smile faded. He gave the same predatory look he used to have seconds before Novae-Rogueing an opponent out of the dish. The look of the tiger who had cornered his next meal.

“That we’ve what?” Tala asked in a voice barely higher than a murmur. “You’re gonna tell everyone that you’ve kissed me?”

Kai tensed. That was the first time the _incident_ was acknowledged in the open like this.

The ball of anxiety he’d had been carrying in his chest felt heavier than ever.

This was it.

The conversation Kai had been dreading for two days.

The older youth’s mouth stretched again in his signature wolfish grin.

“You’re gonna call every tabloid you know and tell them I’m gay or something because _you_ had an impulse and _I_ didn’t push back?” Tala asked, pointing at Kai and then at himself.

A silence.

Tala scoffed, “You think that scares me?”

The knot in Kai’s chest suddenly felt lighter. He had feared the other one would be angry. Repulsed. Indifference, Kai dealt better with. He chose to adopt the same attitude and answered in a nonchalant tone.

“Maybe. Perhaps that is an etiquette you don’t want to have.”

Tala leaned back on the wall. When he spoke, his voice was serious.

“If you really want to know, I have done all kinds of stuff with all kinds of people. Some folks in Berlin would have crunchier stories than anything you could cook up.”

Now it was Kai’s turn to be surprised.

“I had never encountered that side of you.”

Tala took a long pause, ordering his thoughts.

“After we… after the Abbey, I spent years making up for lost time by trying everything I could. I wanted to taste every life experience like a starved man throws himself on a buffet. I’m surprised you never went through a similar phase. For someone who constantly complains of being trapped, you have surprisingly little impulse to rattle the cage.”

“I’d rather not imagine my grandfather’s reaction if I had been caught chained to a bed in some sketchy hotel in Berlin,” said Kai flatly.

“I have never been chained to a bed, but that’s interesting that’s the first thing you thought of. Quite revealing.”

Did Tala just called him submissive? Kai ignored the redhead’s remark and continued,

“Anyway, aren’t you the one who said I should feel lucky? Perhaps I should enjoy the cage more.”

“If you were, you would not be here.”

Tala removed his back from the wall and took a step towards him.

“You would not have done what you did. You would not be stashing money away in a Swiss bank account.”

Tala got closer and Kai stepped back, to keep a respectful distance. His heart was beating with such fury, he was sure Tala could hear it.

Tala gauged his reaction. Kai wasn’t sure what to expect at this point.

Tala continued, in the same soft voice, “I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you want to hear. I’m not sure how much you remember but, you were _really_ drunk.”

Kai nodded, pretending to agree with Tala’s conclusion that this had been a negroni-driven impulse and nothing more.

He wondered how Tala would react if he revealed the truth. That at that moment, he had wanted nothing more than to know what his lips felt like. That it had been the first time in his existence he had kissed someone because he yearned for it, not because it was the natural logical step after a somewhat decent date.

Or that ever since, he was unable to shush the stupid little voice in his head chanting _Again, Again_ , every time the incident flashed in his mind.

“I don’t remember much,” Kai lied, keeping his expression neutral.

Tala nodded and Kai understood that the incident had been dealt with in full. They could turn the page now.

“Well, hopefully next time you’ll handle your liquor better.”

“I’ll behave,” Kai promised.

Tala's phone suddenly buzzed and the redhead's face lit with a smile when he read the text he had just received. He rose his head and happily announced,

“Kai. If you still remember how to launch a blade, apparently some people at the BBA would love to see you in action tomorrow.”


	10. Day Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to itsbeen20years for her knowledge of Berlin and to Katya92for beta-reading everything!

**Day Ten**

Tala still remembered the first time he had slept with another man.

Shortly after his arrival in Germany, he had been dragged to a techno club next to Ostbahnhof station by an acquaintance pressed to show him “the real Berlin”. Tala had assumed he would bring her back to his place later.

He hadn’t.

A few drinks later, his target had ditched him and he had been approached by a wholly different potential match.

He had given a fake name and let himself get hit on, out of curiosity.

But it wasn’t curiosity that had made him follow the stranger home a few hours later.

The whole ordeal hadn’t shocked him as much at it should have.

Tala had mostly been angry at himself for assuming for so long that he only fitted in a certain case, no questions asked. He’d rather not think about the many life experiences his narrow-mindness had caused him miss.

Tala had spent the following months making up for lost time.

Kicking open his own cage.

Funny what you can discover about yourself once you question the established order. Once you are allowed to explore your options.

Tala needed Kai to go through a similar thinking process for his own situation.

Kai perceived taking Voltaire’s place as agreeing to replicate Voltaire’s life. For Kai, his new role was a punishment. For Tala, it was as an opportunity to do something meaningful. To undo decades of bad business practices, corruption, suffering. The Hiwatari family were sharks in an ocean of shady businesses and every year that passed, the status quo cemented their habits.

Kai had always pretended to do as he pleased, but he had never been fully free. His stupid signature scarf hid a leash. He was the first victim of his clan’s rigidity. What kind of family sends its own heir to a military school for wayward children?

Tala wanted Kai to think about the greater good, for once. This wouldn’t be easy. Despite his entitled attitude, Kai had never deviated much from the plan set in place at his birth. He had always mostly done what the Hiwatari wanted him to do.

Maybe this would change soon. As predicted, Kai had brought chaos with him. He had created an escape plan, pushed Tala to reveal the depth of his anger, forced multiple people into keeping his secrets, and then…

And then, a few days ago, a stone-cold sober Tala had watched in amazement Kai ingesting a massive amount of alcohol before drunkenly kissing him. Because it had been a kiss, there was no way to deny it. Tala had supposed Kai would black out and forget the incident.

So, when he had seen Kai’s bag by the door, Tala had realized two things;

One: Kai remembered.

Two: His embarrassment was crushing enough to consider leaving.

Tala had reacted in the only logical way. He had spared Kai’s ego by avoiding the topic entirely. Such a trivial incident wasn’t worth losing a new friend over, especially when said friend had bigger problems on his plate.

Then, when he had realized Kai wasn’t able to shake the incident off, Tala had manipulated him into discussing the matter. Talking things out.

Tala had danced gracefully around Kai’s pride to make it clear there was no reason to be mortified. He himself had opened up a lot more than needed, to really hit the nail on the head.

Tala couldn’t help but find his friend’s reaction endearing. As far as he knew, Kai had never dated anyone publicly. Maybe Tala was starting to understand why.

Speaking of which, the redhead knew he had a weak spot for Kai, and his constant presence only reinforced it. He did things for him he wouldn’t do for anyone else. If it was Ella who had kissed him, Tala wouldn’t have been as soft.

He wanted Kai to stay. When Kai wasn’t busy being a dick, he was good company. Despite their numerous clashes, they could bring the best in each other. They could also be completely open. With everyone else, there were certain topics he could never discuss.

The fact that Kai had a face to sin for wasn’t a detail to neglect either.

Tala didn’t know for sure why Kai had kissed him.

He had turned the question time and time again and each theory was equally plausible. Kai hadn’t been drunk enough to have no control over his behaviour. Maybe he was going through an existential crisis. Maybe he was going through a sexuality crisis. Or maybe he was lonely. Who knew.

If Tala wanted answers, he would have to claw them out of the man himself. If Kai let him.

Beside.

Tala would be lying to himself if he pretended that he hadn’t liked it.

* * *

**Day Ten**   
**6pm**

Tala had managed to convince his boss that a private exhibition match between two former beyblade champions would be quality entertainment for the Russian BBA office, so Kai had spent the day exercising Dranzer.

They had borrowed a training dish for the day and promised Tala’s boss they wouldn’t destroy it. Tala and him had agreed on a no-win match, but it had been a match still. It had been just like back in the days, except this time Tala had traded the tracksuit for a business casual look.

Afterwards, Kai had played against whoever had brought their beyblade to work and he had crushed them all. When Tala and him left the BBA office shortly before sunset, the practice dish smelled of fire and Kai had gained a few more fans.

Kai smiled. For a few hours, his mind had been clear.

Then, a few of Tala’s friends had invited them to go out. Still on a Dranzer-induced high, Kai had agreed.

He promised himself he wouldn’t mess up this time. He would behave. He wouldn’t jump on Tala like a hormonal teenager.

* * *

The bar they had picked this time was much cosier. It was small and comfortable, closer to Tala’s place as well.

Kai sat at a respectful distance of Tala, and Ella squeezed herself between them, like a chastity pillow.

Kai spent most of his evening with her. In order to prevent her from filling the silence with expensive alcohol, he pretended to be suddenly interested in St. Petersburg ballet scene. Ella spoke of her profession with adoration. “Married to her job” wasn’t a metaphor. The blonde served him a long informative history of Russian ballet and the behind-the-scenes of an upcoming show. He found himself promising to be back in a few months to see it.

Partly to see the show he was now curious about. Mostly to have another excuse to visit Tala.

The redhead was busy talking to Oksana, who had completely ignored Kai. The other girl Tala was talking to last night was absent, and Kai sighed in relief.

Their discussion had helped. Kai’s anxiety had dissipated the moment Tala had confirmed he wasn’t angry. Or disgusted. No longer burdened with humiliation, the memory was a slight discomfort he allowed himself to ponder on.

Kai had always refused Tala’s friendship because how easily he opened had horrified him. Tala had awakened things he didn’t know existed within himself.

 _Desires_ he didn’t know existed.

In barely a week.

He would have laughed if it hadn’t been so pathetic.

Kai used to mock his peers over their sudden and passionate infatuations. “Kai has no heart” became a running gag he wore with pride, like an armour. If he ever felt a glimpse of an interest, he proceeded with the same detachment he planned monthly businesses strategies for his grandfather. Up to a week ago, he had thought this was normal.

A week of Tala’s presence had proved him wrong. His current self would have earned the contempt of his past self. A week ago, he had no heart. Two days ago, he had almost ruined a friendship for a shadow of a kiss.

Kai gazed at Tala.

No matter how grateful he was that his friend had been willing to push the incident aside, a part of Kai wished this wasn’t the end.

Kai dared to hope that maybe Tala had also wanted this.

It would explain his strange behaviour, his unusual niceness. Maybe Tala yearned too.

Kai had never seen himself as _attractive_ , or _desirable_. Mostly, he laughed at girls crushing on him. At the same time, he had always refused to open up more than needed. What was there to like, anyway?

But Tala knew him through and through.

Kai shivered. The idea of someone _wanting_ him, in spite of everything, was decadent.

_Maybe Tala yearned too._

The thought made him dizzy with excitement.

Speaking of Tala, his voice interrupted his train of thoughts.

“Wanna go back home? It’s getting late.”

“Sure.”

They excused themselves and left the bar.

The streets were practically empty. A soft drizzle was falling on the city, dampening their coats and faces. The temperature had grown colder in the last days. Kai found himself shivering.

They walked home in silence, at a brisk pace. After a few minutes, Kai spoke.

“Your team wasn’t there.”

“I didn’t invite them.” Tala explained. “They don’t miss you.”

“They hate me.”

“Don’t be dramatic.” Tala said with a dismissive hand gesture. “They don’t _hate_ you, we’re just all busy with our own things now.”

“ _Our own things_ ,” Kai emphasized with mockery. “I remember Tala who wouldn’t even go to the bathroom without Bryan following like a lapdog, and now you hang out with artists and ballerinas.”

Tala’s eyes glowed in amusement. “Is it so hard to believe?”

Kai shrugged. “I thought you would at least have more former beybladers in your inner circle.”

Tala gave a negative nod.

“Nah. Beyblade people always end up talking about the good old days, how nice it was to play or how the team they’re coaching is doing. Besides, I work in the industry, I talk spinning tops all day long. It gets old.”

“And your new _friends_ don’t mind that you’re not from their industries?”

“They’re pretty open-minded, which is what I need. They don’t judge me.”

Now it was Kai’s turn to be surprised. “Why would you fear any judgment?”

Tala stopped in his tracks. Under the streetlamps, the contrast of his red hair against his pale skin was striking. His smile fell, and when he spoke, his voice was louder than anticipated.

“Are you kidding me? I had metal rods drilled into my skeleton and parts of my frontal lobe have been lasered out. All of Russia knows I was brought up in a military prison! My struggles were live on TV for the world to see… Everyone knows I am just a little science project and–”

“Do not say that about yourself. Ever,” Kai interrupted. “You’re more than what Boris made you to be.”

Tala chuckled.

“You never held such discourses when I made us win matches, didn’t you?”

“You won because you’re talented,” Kai said. “I met you before all of the experiments happened and you would have gone far, _science project_ or not.”

Tala rolled his eyes, unwilling to accept the compliment. He shifted on his heels, as if ready to move again, but Kai blocked him.

“Boris doesn’t deserve the credit you give him,” Kai continued. “You never needed any of this to excel. You’re a better person than I will ever be and a thousand times stronger than I will ever be.”

Kai grabbed Tala’s coat, as if to prevent him from leaving. Tala put his own hands in his pockets, making no gesture to push Kai away.

This was also new. The old Tala would have never allowed such manhandling.

They stared at each other in silence for a moment. Kai often forgot that Tala was taller than him. The difference wasn’t noticeable enough though sometimes, like tonight, it seemed to increase.

“You’re here with your big words,” Tala said in a softer voice, looking away, “but in a week, you’ll leave, and I won’t hear from you again.”

Tala gently removed Kai’s hands from his coat and brought his gaze back to him. All the anger accumulated over the last years was still there, clouding the ocean eyes.

“You’ll move to another country… And you’ll leave me alone. Again.”

“I won’t–”

“Don’t lie to me,” Tala cut.

Tala turned towards his place and continued to walk. Kai followed him. After a few seconds, the redhead spoke again. His voice was soft again, almost sad. It made everything so much worse.

“I guess I should be used to it. You leave, always. People leave, in general, that’s life. But you always do so in such a… brutish, careless manner. You don’t care about anyone’s existence except your own.”

Kai’s skin still prickled where Tala’s hands had been. He answered in a voice he wanted neutral.

“What do you want me to do? Promise that I won’t leave? I can’t do that.”

“I know.” Tala exhaled, resigned.

They walked the rest of the way in silence.

They finally arrived at Tala’s flat and removed their coats in silence. Kai wanted Tala to say something, anything. Yell at him. Wrap up the conversation.

Maybe it was his turn this time, to be vulnerable. To give in. He still had enough liquid courage in his blood to scratch his latest itch.

Kai plunged.

“I think I proved two days ago I was not indifferent to your existence.”

Tala froze. The corner of his mouth twitched. Kai saw his absence of answer as an encouragement to push further.

“You should have shoved me away.”

Tala bared his teeth, as if about to laugh. Or bite.

“Would your ego have survived if I had?”

“At least it would have been clear.”

Tala was once again staring at him. They were so close, Kai could hear him breathe.

“I had no clear answer to offer you,” admitted the redhead.

“And now?”

Tala exhaled. “Kai,” he gently protested while sliding his hand behind his neck in a gesture that made Kai’s knees weaken, “you’re overthinking this.”

Kai had no time for Tala’s enigmas tonight. The decision had been matured earlier at the bar and cemented a few seconds ago. He would get to the bottom of this, even if that meant finding a hotel tonight.

Kai stepped further. “Am I?”

Kai grabbed Tala’s shirt, pulling him closer, bringing his face inches from his.

He let a second pass, giving Tala enough time to protest if needed.

Nothing happened.

Feeling like his heart was about to exit his thoracic cage, he kissed him again.

Tala didn’t move. 

He felt the breath from Tala’s doubt against his lips. “Kai”

Kai stubbornly refused to let go. “Tell me to stop or don’t say anything.”

Kai breathed against the others face, his hands still clenched on his shirt. A light tremor ran through his fingers.

After a few seconds, Tala relaxed under his touch, giving in.

He kissed him back.

Kai felt the heaviness in his chest again, but this time it wasn’t anxiety.

It was triumph.

Tala quickly took control. He cradled Kai’s face in his hands, deepening the kiss, bringing him closer.

Kai let go of Tala’s shirt and ran a hand along his jaw and into his hair. He had been aching to touch him.

Kai had expected… he didn’t know what he had expected.

Not this.

He hadn’t known being kissed by someone could feel meaningful. His nerves were alight and he felt more alive than he had in the past week.

They kissed in the dark of the entrance for what felt like an eternity. Kai feared that if he let go for a moment, if he spoke or turned the light on, reality would crash on them and the moment would be broken.

Kai brought his hands back to Tala’s chest. He unbuttoned Tala’s shirt halfway to his torso and slid his hand though his collar, gliding across the collarbones, exploring his shoulders.

Tala abruptly broke the kiss.

“You should go to sleep before you do something you’ll regret.”

“Why do you always need to talk?” Kai protested in a murmur. “I told you, make me stop or don’t say anything.”

Tala’s face had regained his seriousness.

Kai sighed. “Do you want me to stop?”

Tala lowered his lids so that the blue of his eyes was barely visible. He gave a faint negative nod.

_No._

Tala didn’t need to ask him the same question. In a voice that was barely a murmur, he said, “Just tell _me_ when to stop.”

Kai felt a shiver going down his spine. He wasn’t a teen, he knew where this was going.

When to stop?

He didn’t know.

_Let’s find out._

Tala gently guided him towards his bedroom and closed the door behind them.


	11. Day Eleven

**Day Eleven**   
**Afternoon**

“Where to?” The taxi driver asked to the young man who had just slid on the back seat of his car.

“Pulkovo airport,” answered Kai Hiwatari, his face hidden in the collar of his shapeless brown coat, hoping the driver wasn’t one who read business newspapers.

The driver smiled. “Nice day for flying! Where are you headed?”

“Portugal,” Kai lied, “I’m visiting my father.”

After a few more questions, the driver caught that Kai wasn’t the chatty type and abandoned small talk attempts, leaving Kai to his thoughts.

Kai shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was sweating under his disguise. He doubted the heating system was to blame.

He should have known that pursuing Tala was a risky game. But Kai had never been the one to run from danger, even if that meant getting hurt in the process.

Yesterday, Kai had perceived an opening and ingested just enough liquid courage to explore it. He needed closure, he needed answers. He needed to know if Tala yearned too.

So Kai had again pushed his friend’s boundaries.

He had used Tala’s own words to get to him.

He had risked their entire friendship over an impulse. Again.

And when Tala was just about to give in, Kai had made himself vulnerable, melting the last walls of resistance.

He remembered the overwhelming feeling of victory when Tala had finally kissed him back.

And then…

And then Kai had followed Tala to his room. That too, he remembered vividly.

If he hadn’t been in such a turmoil, Kai would have laughed at himself.

Back when he was a beyblader, the press never wrote anything about his personal life, mostly because there was nothing to write about. Kai didn’t date, Kai didn’t give personal interviews, and Kai never got caught getting handsy with another human being.

Tyson used to joke that Kai only loved Kai, and for years, Kai lived by this motto. He needed nothing from no one. He gave the bare minimum and shoved people away when they got too close. If he surprised himself getting too attached, he forcibly extinguished the spark before it caught fire. Before it burned him.

Like an idiot, he used to think his detachment made him superior, but truth is, he was alone, isolated, starved for an intimacy he forbade himself from craving.

It took Kai a long time to start dating, and when he did, he was at an age where inexperience is practically considered a social handicap. Nevertheless, he managed to do what everyone else was doing. Meeting women. Going on dates. Fucking.

None of these had soothed his heart. At its best, dating had been boring. Most encounters had been taxing in energy and left him feeling even more alone. None had blossomed into a relationship.

He couldn’t blame the women; they had all been nice, beautiful, smart, and interesting. Kai wasn’t naïve enough to think he just hadn’t met the right person yet. He had at some point wondered whether the gender was the problem, but opening up with men was just as difficult.

Kai had isolated himself so well, he had created his own prison and lost the key.

Kai had accepted that there was a hole in his heart that would never heal. Perhaps it was his punishment for every person he had disappointed. Kai had always claimed he wanted to be _left alone_ and in a cruel irony, life had given him just that.

Until now.

Yesterday, Kai had fully intended to tell Tala to stop when he would get overwhelmed. Or bored.

That moment never came.

Instead, Tala had guided him with a care and a patience Kai didn’t know he possessed.

He had gently stripped away his last shreds of resistance, until nothing else mattered.

Until Kai abandoned all reason and the only thing he could do was feel.

* * *

After an interminable ride, the taxi stopped at Pulkovo airport.

Kai paid cash and pretended to go to the international counter until the taxi was out of view. Then, he walked to the domestic departures.

He discreetly slid his fingers under his grey scarf and rubbed his shoulder, right at the juncture of the neck. He couldn’t feel it, but he knew a moon crescent-shaped bruise was there.

He had a bite mark on his shoulder.

_Tala, you absolute idiot._

This morning, Kai had woken up, alone, in Tala’s bed. The other one had already left for work.

The first few minutes, Kai had basked in the afterglow, happy and calm, his usual anxious knot dissipated.

Then, reality had slowly crept back. The morning had brought back a sense of responsibilities.

Mornings had the tendency to do that.

_He could not do this._

It would have been easier if yesterday’s night had been underwhelming. If Tala's mouth on his hadn't felt as good as he had hoped. If he had woken up alone and empty, like a dozen times before.

How fucking ironical that it ended up being Tala who made him feel something. Who made him feel human.

But this farce had to stop. He came to Russia to get away from the frenzy, not sleep with his childhood friend and get confused in the process.

No matter what his mixed feelings towards Tala were, they really didn’t matter at the moment.

The reality was that in a few days, he was expected back in Japan.

And he could not do this.

He could not live Voltaire’s life.

Non-stop corporate hell with corrupted peers. Getting married to some girl his family would approve of and make her a few kids. And one day, dying of a stress-induced heart attack and being found by his maid.

Tala had implanted some ideas in his brain about _changing the status_ _quo_ and _improvement_. Kai had deviated from his initial plan so much, he had lost precious time and the momentum he needed to escape with little repercussions.

_He could not do this._

Kai toyed with his fake passport in his pocket. Russia was a terrible place to get arrested with forged documents. He trusted his provider, but for now, his real passport would do.

He decided to go to Moscow first, to meet once again the cousin he had picked as a replacement.

Then, he would flee.

The airport was fortunately, nearly empty. Kai bought a one-way ticket to Moscow. He crammed his passport back in his coat pocket, when he suddenly felt something else.

A key.

This was Tala’s spare key. In his frenzy, Kai had forgotten to leave it on the table, as he had intended to.

Tala’s face flashed in his mind.

Tala’s disappointment would be colossal.

He could almost hear his arguments. Tala was convinced Kai was the man of the situation, but Kai knew his friend was wrong. Tala had always put way too much faith in him. Kai wasn’t deserving of being held to such high standards.

Exhibit A: Yesterday.

Exhibit B: His life in general.

Tala would get around.

Kai stopped dead in his tracks. A few people offered him curious looks, but he ignored them all.

_No, this will not happen._

Kai suddenly vividly envisioned Tala coming back to his apartment, Kai’s room empty, not a note, not a goodbye, not a text.

Tala, who had bared his soul and gotten nothing in return.

Tala was perhaps more confident, but it didn’t mean showing vulnerability wasn’t taxing for him as well. Just as Kai, he had been raised to believe emotions were a weakness of character.

Tala would never forgive this latest treason.

It dawned on Kai that he wouldn’t see Tala ever again.

A painful flashback popped in his mind, Tala’s face twisted in despair, spitting terrible truths at Kai.

" _I needed you, and you were not there."_

And just yesterday, Tala had predicted exactly what Kai would do. _“You’ll move to another country… And you’ll leave me alone. Again.”_

Alone.

Tala had chosen to give him a chance, in spite of everything. And Kai was about to, yet again, follow the exact pattern he always followed; taking with no remorse, and then leaving.

Kai swore under his breath.

If facing his demons was crushing, hurting Tala again somewhat felt worse.

Repeating the same mistakes felt worse. The path Kai had always followed had left him alone and unhappy, stuck in a self-made misery.

Maybe it was time to escape. To kick the door of the cage open.

To hell with his plane ticket.

He pivoted on his heels and made his way to the exit. The same one he had been through a week and a half ago.

Yet again, running to one person.

He hailed a taxi.

“Where to?”

He gave Tala’s address.

* * *

**Day Eleven**   
**Late Afternoon**

When Kai opened the front door, he was greeted by a very surprised Tala. 

“Oh. Hiwatari princess is back.” Tala said in a high-pitched sarcastic tone. “Your Majesty, we were not expecting you anymore.”

Kai sheepishly entered the apartment and dropped his bag on the floor. Tala was angry, there was no doubt now. Kai would have to play his cards with care.

Tala was wearing comfortable clothes. He had visibly gotten out of work earlier than normal.

“I went for a walk,” weakly lied Kai.

Tala glanced at Kai’s bag.

“Of course. And your stuff needed some fresh air.”

A violent glint passed through Tala’s eyes.

Tala was most cruel when in pain. He was just warming up.

Kai attempted to stop the incoming storm. “Tala… Don’t—"

“Don’t what? Make a big deal out of this?”

The redhead walked around the living room. His voice was soft, but his eyes were cold with anger.

“Let’s summarize. I finish work early. I arrive here. The place is empty. Your stuff is gone. You haven’t texted me all day. No note, no explanation. I make the healthy guess that you freaked out and… _went for a walk_ back to Japan. But now… what a plot twist.”

Tala crossed his arms on his chest and continued, “What brings you back here? You forgot to pay me on your way out, or?”

Kai shushed the dozen of sarcastic answers that rushed to his mind. He was at fault here.

“I… Yes, I freaked out, okay?”

“Obviously,” scoffed Tala, his lips stretching in a mocking grin.

“But I came back. I realized… I was making the wrong choice,” admitted Kai, “so I came back.”

Tala blinked, taken aback. His smile faded. He had not expected Kai’s answer.

A silence fell. Tala recomposed himself, defensive.

“And how am I supposed to react? For all I knew, you had once again ditched me.”

Kai hadn’t missed the hint of pain in Tala’s voice.

_Maybe he can’t endure the thought of another person walking through the door and never coming back._

_And that’s exactly what I was about to put him through._

Kai sighed. He didn’t have Tala’s talent for words. He chose the simplest answer. “I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”

Tala rolled his eyes. “Well, yes that’s what I want to hear! Say it with more conviction! I’m not your punching bag. I shouldn’t always be on the receiving end of your tantrums.”

“Were you seriously expecting me to just stay here? And wait?”

Tala pinched the bridge of his nose and put a hand on his waist.

“I don’t know what to expect of you, Kai. I thought I had you all figured out, and every time you manage to do something worse.”

Tala exhaled a disappointed sigh.

Kai took a step towards him. “I’m sorry I left.”

“I didn’t know I was so terrible in b—”

“-I don’t wanna talk about it.” Kai cut in, feeling his cheeks instantly burn.

He left it for a moment before continuing.

“Yesterday I just… It’s a lot to take in. My life is a lot to take in, at the moment. I went… I was about to leave the city. Then, I remembered everything you said. About me. So I changed my mind. I don’t want to keep doing the same mistakes, over and over again.”

Kai’s mouth felt dry. This had been excruciating, but Tala’s expression had softened.

“Wow. You don’t need a CEO title, you need a therapist.”

Kai smiled. Tala wasn’t wrong.

“For now, I would mostly need a few more days here. I have a press conference and meetings scheduled in Japan. I leave St. Petersburg in three days.”

Tala looked pensively at him. Deciding how to react. Assessing whether he was worth the risk.

“And why should I say yes? You think this is a hotel?”

“It’s your decision. Now, I’m the one ‘crushing my ego asking for stuff’,” Kai said, paraphrasing Tala.

The parallel made Tala smile again. The redhead finally took a step further and lifted Kai’s bag.

“Do something like this again and I might actually call your mom and tell her what a terrible job she has done at raising you.”

* * *

**Day Eleven**   
**11pm**

The rest of the day passed in an uncomfortable silence. Tala worked at the kitchen table and Kai bought his plane tickets. He also prepared his speech for the press conference. They both went to sleep without saying goodnight.

The knot in Kai’s chest was back, a constant reminder that Tala was, once again, sparing his ego.

Maybe that was the clue to dealing with him, after all. Hammering painful truths in his brain, but sparing his ego once in a while.

But Kai wasn’t a teen. They had slept together. There was no point denying it.

This thought rammed furiously though Kai’s mind for hours, and was now preventing him to sleep.

He had to push once more.

Get that out. Tyson-Granger his way out of his misery.

He got up and made his way to Tala’s room.

* * *

Kai knocked on Tala’s door. “Tala. I wanna talk about it.”

An annoyed voice answered him from the other side. “Jesus Christ. You pick your timings.”

“I can’t sleep and I’m too tired to pretend.”

A few seconds passed.

“Fine. Come in.”

Kai entered the room. The bedside lamp was the only source of light. Tala was sitting on his bed, wrapped in his blanket, his chin and mouth hidden in the fabric.

Kai took a chair and sat as far as he could without seeming disrespectful. He was keenly aware of the other man’s presence. The smell of the room brought back Tala’s taste on his mouth.

Since Kai was plenty aware that he was the one who came to talk, he plunged, “I have a bite mark on my shoulder.”

Tala laughed, revealing the teeth having caused said bite mark. Kai liked hearing him laugh. It was not a sound he heard often.

“That’s what’s bothering you?” Tala asked. “You like scarves, they’ll hide it. It’s gonna fade.”

Kai rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t. I can’t read your mind. Yesterday, you were _begging_ me to fuck you, and today you ran off to the airport. If I had known you would be so much trouble, I would have stayed ten meters away from you.”

Kai shivered. It wasn’t an unpleasant shiver.

Tala’s mouth twitched and he continued, his voice betraying his concern, “You should have told me to stop. I _told you_ to _tell me_ when to stop.”

Kai felt his cheeks burning, but he kept his expression as neutral as possible.

“Yesterday, I didn’t want you to,” Kai admitted through gritted teeth, “not a second.”

Tala’s ocean blue eyes scanned his face. The blanket had fallen to his side, uncovering the white t-shirt he usually slept in.

Tala finally asked the question that had been floating in the air since the beginning. “Do you regret it?”

“No,” admitted Kai, “but as I told you… It’s a lot to take in. I am still unsure how I feel about it. Do you?”

This answer seemed to ease Tala’s worry. He shrugged, “I’ve done worse things with uglier people.”

“That means no?”

Tala rolled his eyes. “Yes, that means no. I can live with my decisions.”

Kai leaned forward. “What kind of people? Women?”

Tala had hinted at it the other night, but Kai needed a clear confirmation.

Tala offered a vague hand gesture.

“Men, women, people in between. That’s not a criteria I am picky on, as it turns out.”

“Normally I am,” Kai whispered, surprised by his own admission.

Tala’s eyes widened, as he pieced the puzzle together.

“So… Am I the first guy you…”

Kai tilted his head to the side and Tala understood it meant ‘’Yes.” Kai was expecting the other one to mock him, but to his surprise, Tala’s expression softened.

“I guess that explains why you reacted like a startled virgin.”

Kai weakly smiled. “We don't all have figured our lives out in Germany.”

Tala looked at him, his eyes glowing with amusement.

“Not exactly, but I get the idea. We can pretend your little walk to the airport never happened, and I’ll just take… yesterday as a compliment. Anything else you want to cover?”

_Yes, so many things._

Kai rose up from the bed and made his way to the door. “No.”

“Fine. And Kai?”

“Hm?”

“I won’t tell anyone.”

Kai scoffed, “I don’t care.”

Tala rose an eyebrow. “That’s a lie, of course you care.”

Finding nothing to retort, Kai opened the door, and left.


	12. Day Twelve

**Day Twelve  
7am**

Tala woke up alone in his bed.

He inhaled. If he focused enough, he could perceive a faint trace of Kai’s scent in the sheets. He would need to wash them today.

After their discussion, Kai had left his room and Tala had stayed awake longer than he would admit, hoping the other man would come back.

Kai hadn’t.

Tala sighed and stared at the ceiling.

This was bad.

He got up, went to the bathroom, and washed his face. His own reflection stared at him with tired eyes. Two nights in a row of not sleeping much were visible on his features.

Kai was to blame for both.

Kai was a walking headache. There should be an award for people who dealt with Kai Hiwatari on a regular basis, some kind of diploma in recognition of your patience skills. Or a club. The ‘Keeping Up With Kai’ Help Group. Tyson Granger could be president.

Never in a million years would Tala have been able to predict that their emerging friendship would turn into a serious flirt in the span of two weeks.

After the first drunken kiss, Tala had dared to hope for a second one. He wasn’t certain how Kai would react if he took the lead, so Tala had dropped hints here and there and waited for Kai to take the initiative.

Doing nothing on purpose had been excruciating. It had been like playing chess with an opponent who didn’t quite understand the game.

And finally, when Tala was least expecting it, Kai made a move.

Kissing him for the second time had been deliriously good. Tala had let himself sink in the moment until he had felt warm hands on his skin and realized Kai wasn’t playing anymore.

Tala had given him plenty of chances to change his mind and Kai had shoved them all away. Tala’s last mental barriers had melted until nothing else mattered except Kai’s burning lips on his.

Until he too, stopped playing.

Tala wasn’t naïve enough to think a few frank discussions and one night together would soften the Hiwatari heir for good. Taking with no remorse and then doing whatever he pleased was Kai’s modus operandi. Tala had expected another bad surprise.

Still, Kai’s betrayal stung more than anticipated. It shouldn’t have cut Tala that deep, and yet it did.

When Tala had found the apartment empty, he had resigned himself to erase Kai from his life, for good this time. Stupid, spoiled Hiwatari, who wrecked his routine and tossed him away when he was done messing with his head.

And when his resolve was starting to become tangible, Kai came back.

Not only did he come back, he apologized. They had talked. It had again felt like pulling teeth, but this time the patient hadn’t been trying to escape.

A character development Tala hadn’t anticipated.

Deep down, he was happy. Kai wasn’t a complete lost cause. There was still hope.

There were still discussions they needed to have, but there was hope.

Maybe Tala had really been good enough.

* * *

**Day Twelve  
Morning**

When Tala, dressed up and showered, arrived in the kitchen, Kai was unpacking the breakfast he had visibly just bought from a nearby restaurant.

Kai’s face remained neutral as he explained, “I was hungry. I bought enough for us both.”

Tala noticed a subtle smell of burnt butter in the air.

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me you have tried to cook?”

Tala glanced towards his stove. The sight of a dirty pan confirmed his suspicions.

“Apparently you have.”

“I wanted eggs,” Kai explained.

Tala walked to the stove and lifted the pan Kai had used, turning the handle between his fingers.

“Just so you know, turning the temperature to the maximum doesn’t mean the eggs will fry quicker. Also, you don’t need that much butter.”

“I knew that,” said Kai in a tone that meant _“I really didn’t, sorry for almost burning down your kitchen.”_

Tala wordlessly washed the pan while Kai unpacked the food on the table. They sat in silence and started to eat.

What were they supposed to do now? How were they supposed to act towards each other? Kai’s face gave nothing. Did he need another pep-talk? A fucking Irish coffee?

Kai broke the silence with a much more trivial question. “How come _you_ can cook.”

“I have no parents… and no maid,” Tala teased. “One can’t survive on tea and bread.”

Kai sniffled. He hadn’t missed the subtle jab.

Tala tilted his head to the side. “You don’t… you don’t even know the basics of a kitchen, do you?”

“I know how to use a rice cooker,” Kai answered.

Tala whistled. “Wow, what a treat it must be… being that rich.”

Kai’s lips formed a line and he stared at his coffee. “I can’t cook, but I know how the stock market works. And I know how to run a company. In my situation, those skills are more useful than cooking. Don’t you think?”

Tala raised an eyebrow. “So, you’re not running away anymore? You were not lying to me yesterday?”

Kai sighed. “I was not lying to you. It doesn’t mean going back makes me happy.”

Tala crossed his legs and reclined himself more comfortably in his chair. Pep-talk it was.

“Kai. Do you know why your family invested in BioVolt?”

“Because Boris Balkov approached my grandfather and—”

“No, that’s not my question.” Tala cut while waving a dismissive hand. “I know the surface story. But deep down. Why did it happen? Boris Balkov was a mad scientist with a silly project that, thanks to Voltaire’s investments, became what we know as the Abbey. BioVolt is what happens when assholes with too much money think they can play God and get away with no consequences.”

Kai remained silent. Traces of fatigue were visible on his face. Seems like Tala wasn’t the only one unable to sleep yesterday. Tala continued his speech.

“This is why it must be you. You’re spoiled and unpredictable, but you’re not rotten to the core. You have seen enough of real life to shape your moral compass.”

The corners of Kai’s mouth twitched, and Tala got a flashback of feeling that same mouth against his. He brought his focus back to the situation. He could daydream to his heart’s content later.

“I know you would prefer to live your father’s life,” Tala continued, “but cleaning your family name, and this empire… that’s your cross to bear. No one else can do it. If you leave now… in ten years there’s gonna be another BioVolt. Another scandal, bloodier and messier.”

“You’re wrong on one point, Tala. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I chose my father’s life. I know too much to just walk away. I just… It dawned on me that this is purpose, and not punishment.”

 _Fine fucking nally,_ thought Tala.

Kai took a short pause to finish his coffee. He continued, “For you, it’s easy to talk. You do what you like.”

Tala couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

“What I like?” Tala said, his voice suddenly agitated. “You think beyblading is my passion? That all I ever wanted was to work for the BBA? Fuck no! But certain cards were handed to me and I play them as best as I can.”

Kai visibly hadn’t expected this reaction. He stared at Tala with confused eyes.

Tala continued, “I am painfully uneducated, I have a high school diploma and just enough evening classes to say I’ve been to college. You think ‘doing what I like’ would have put food on the table? You realize that I had to prove to the BBA I was not just a brainless douche and that I had ideas I wanted to see put into place? You realize how much I’ve worked to make sure no other “beyblade schools” like the Abbey exist in Russia? Some rules are in place because of me. I do what I can in my universe. And you should do the same, in yours.”

Kai opened his mouth as if about to say something, but immediately closed it.

After a moment, Kai explained, “I told you, I know what I need to do.”

Tala remained silent. Kai observed, “You don’t believe me.”

Tala chuckled. “Would you if you were in my shoes? You’re not exactly a model of honesty, Kai. If you hadn’t got a change of heart yesterday, you would have done the same thing as ever. Arriving unexpected, creating chaos, leaving. You never wonder what’s left after the fire you lit has burned the forest down.”

Kai’s jaw clenched. Tala knew his words were hitting their target.

Kai turned his hands toward the ceiling. “I’m not lying. Every time I lie, you manage to see right through me, Tala. So what’s the point? And… now you’ve seen more of me than anyone else before.”

Tala hadn’t missed the innuendo. He rose up and walked towards Kai’s chair. He then leaned forward, placing his hands on the armrests and stared down at him.

“That wasn’t the original plan,” said Tala in a voice barely higher than a murmur. “You were supposed to cool down for a few days and fucking _leave_. Not use me as some sort of existential crisis.”

Kai’s brows furrowed, as if surprised by Tala’s comment. “Is… is that what you think?”

“That’s what you always do. Except this time… It went a bit further than expected. Don’t you agree?”

Kai ignored the question and redirected it. “If that’s what you think of me, how come I’m still here? Why do you keep forgiving me?”

The question took Tala off guard. His mouth stretched in a sad smile before spitting his answer.

“Because… because… do you need a fucking drawing?”

A range of emotions crossed Kai’s face, but no words came out of his mouth.

Feeling like he was staring at Kai a bit too long, a bit too close, Tala rose up again and took a step back.

They stared at each other for another uncomfortable moment. Kai’s face was twisted in a mix of resignation and this secret agony the master of Dranzer only seemed to know.

Tala glanced at his watch. “I really need to get going.”

He put his shoes and coat on and grabbed his laptop case. Kai could clean up the kitchen, the process didn’t involve enough appliances to be a fire hazard.

“I’ll be back late. Don’t wait for me to have dinner.”

* * *

**Day Twelve  
9pm**

When Tala came back home, Kai was in full conversation with a furious voice the redhead recognized too easily.

Tala had seen Kai’s mother three or four times. During Kai’s stay at the Abbey, Voltaire Hiwatari had paid a few visits, to see how his money was being invested and how his grandson was doing. Tala remembered those visits. The trainings were easier and better food was served at the cafeteria, to fool investors into thinking the children were looked after.

On a few occasions, Voltaire came accompanied by a beautiful young woman many people assumed to be his secretary. Then, the word got around that she was Kai’s biological mother.

This had perplexed young Tala. Most kids at the Abbey didn’t have parents anymore, and if they did, said parents were unable to take care of them properly. Why would they be here, otherwise? Places like the Abbey were for children no one wanted, expendable children.

Children with no mother to save them.

Back in the days, Tala’s questions had remained unanswered. However, over the years, he had heard enough about the Hiwatari clan to get a good picture of the dysfunctional family Kai had grown up with. Tala was no longer surprised Kai’s own mother had let him rot in that cursed place.

That’s just how these people treated each other.

No wonder Kai struggled with human connections.

Tala removed his shoes and coat as silently as he could and couldn’t help but hear glimpses of the conversation.

“(…) looks bad if the heir is taking a vacation in Russia while his grandfather’s corpse is not yet cold.”

Kai’s voice was stirred with agitation. “This isn’t a vacation; I am taking care of stuff we talked about. I was just visiting the BBA.”

Tala understood that Kai’s visits at his office had finally reached the Hiwatari grapevine. He was surprised it took so long. Sounds like his colleagues were able to keep secrets, after all.

Kai was pacing back and forth in the living room.

“You have better things to focus on than this stupid game.”

“I was a pro beyblader for years, I am alienating some connections if I am in Russia and not paying a visit. You know that.”

Kai’s mother was as harsh as she was smart. She understood immediately.

“Oh, you got a liking for stray dogs now? Touching. Your former teammates aren’t priority. If you have so much free time, get back here.”

“My ticket is already booked, I am coming back in a few days,” he assured.

“You better.”

* * *

Kai had heard Tala behind him.

He breathed in and out, forcing his heartbeat to calm down. How this woman made his skin crawl every time they spoke was a mystery.

Tala broke the silence. “ _Stray dog_ , I hadn’t heard that one in a while.”

Kai turned around, avoiding his eyes. “I suppose you’re usually called worse things.”

“Yeah. She lacks imagination. Not unlike her son.”

Kai scoffed at Tala’s remark. This was barely an insult, meaning Tala’s anger had dissipated since this morning.

Having Tala in his vicinity and not being allowed to touch him was torture. It was worse than before, because now he knew. He knew Tala could do things with his mouth that made him forget his need for oxygen.

Tala, however, didn’t seem phased by his presence, as if the situation was business as usual.

Kai sighed. The ‘Learn to be more casual about personal stuff’ was an item that was not about to be scratched off his mental to-do list.

Tala served himself a glass of water and sat comfortably on the couch. “Why is she the one calling, I thought the VP was Voltaire’s right hand.”

He got a shrug in response. “She needed to yell at someone, I suppose.”

Kai sat on the chair opposite from the couch.

He continued, “She won’t be in the same office as me. I need to keep her busy, but I don’t want to work with her.”

“Fair enough.”

A moment of silence passed. Tala's eyes scanned his face. Kai wanted to get rid of this tension that had been poisoning the air since yesterday. He chose his words carefully.

“Tala. I’ll be fine. I’m not running away.”

Tala took a sip of his water. “So you’re really serious.”

“Yes.”

“This isn’t a punishment, you know. It’s an opportunity.”

“I know.”

And deep down, Kai knew. Had he for one second believed he would be happy living as Kyle the Accountant in Europe? Of course not. He would have kept quiet for a few months, and then the need to get back to business would have been overwhelming. Kai left, but what Tala forgot is that Kai often came back. Eventually.

Another silence passed.

Kai crossed his arms on his chest. “Funny how we went full circle. Everything is the same as two weeks ago. And I suppose I gained and lost your friendship on the way.”

Tala arched an amused eyebrow. “Have you?”

“You accused me of using you as an existential crisis, just this morning.”

“Well, you did admit this was a bit of a unique situation for you. As I said, I can take it as a compliment. But I also see clear in your game.”

“You don’t see shit, because you’re wrong.”

“I beg to differ,” Tala mocked, “you freaked out.”

Kai felt a light tremor running through his spine. This was going to be painful.

“I freaked out,” Kai admitted through his teeth, “because that was the first time I slept with someone and I didn’t wake up feeling empty.”

Now it was Tala’s turn to seem at loss for words. Kai’s breath was labored, his teeth were clenching uncomfortably in his mouth. He turned his gaze away from Tala. Somehow, it was easier to speak if icy blue eyes were not scrutinizing his soul.

“You know me better than this,” Kai continued, “either I want something, or I don’t. I didn’t sleep with you out of boredom. Or curiosity.”

“I wanted this. I wanted _you_ ,” emphasized Kai.

He looked at Tala again. A silent disbelief had replaced anger on the redhead’s face.

Kai clenched and unclenched his fists. “I am the first one surprised. My initial plan was, as you said, cool down and leave, but life has its way of fucking with you. It drove me insane how much I wanted to touch you.”

However, a sudden realization hit him as he spoke. The next words stumbled from his mouth before he could refrain them. “Tala, you know this. If you truly believe.. I used you… No, you’re too smart for this. If you had felt I was messing with you on purpose, you would have indeed stayed ten meters away from me.”

Tala finally broke his silence, “Maybe I should have, regardless.”

“You don’t believe that,” Kai challenged. “Deep down, you _know_ I am telling the truth.”

Tala’s mouth remained closed. It was unnerving. Tala always had something to say, even when silence was preferable. Kai rose up.

“Anyway. Now you know.”

Kai felt drained, but he knew he wouldn’t sleep if he went to bed right now. He made his way to the entrance door.

“Tala. I’m going to the gym. Just… I’m not the easiest person. But I never wanted to hurt you.”

On this weak apology, Kai put his shoes on and left.

* * *

**Day Twelve  
Really stupid late**

Kai came back at an hour where Tala was most likely already sound asleep. The apartment was plunged in darkness. Kai made his way to the shower in silence.

When he got out of the bathroom, he heard faint knocks at the bedroom door.

Tala wasn’t sound asleep, after all.

He opened the door to find the redhead in his pajamas bottom and white t-shirt leaning on the side of the door.

Tala smirked. “I’ve decided to believe you.”

Kai nodded. “About time.”

Tala’s expression darkened. He took a step forward and entered the room. Kai let him.

The air became heavy. Tala plunged his eyes in his, pools of blue that send an electric shock through Kai’s veins. If there had been any doubt as for Tala’s intention, they were gone now.

Tala’s voice was a raspy murmur. “If you want to sleep, you should say so now.”

Kai’s heartbeat increased. Something sparked in his lower abdomen.

_Again, Again._

He forced his voice to not sound desperate. “You sure of what you’re doing? You accused me of terrible things not even two hours ago.”

Tala got closer. He gently lifted Kai’s chin with his index finger.

His gaze softened. “Maybe I have a thing for suffering.”

Kai didn’t even think of protesting when Tala lowered his lips on his. It was just as good as before. It felt just as right. Kai realized with a keen accuracy it was the first time they kissed sober.

Kai wrapped his arms around Tala’s waist and pulled him closer, melting against him.

If he focused enough, he could feel Tala’s heartbeat.

Then, as swiftly as it had started, the kiss stopped. Kai rested against Tala, inhaling his scent, clenching his shirt in his fist. Tala slid his fingers in his hair and rested his head against his.

When he spoke, Tala’s voice was a murmur. “If I had known we would end up like this…”

Kai instinctively rolled his eyes. “I leave the day after tomorrow. Can you wait at that moment to get mopey?”

Tala chuckled. Kai felt the vibration of his laugh in his chest. “I was not getting mopey. As I said, I’ve decided to believe you and I intend on enjoying every minute.”

Tala closed the door behind him.


	13. Day Thirteen

**Day Thirteen  
11:00 am**

People under the misguided assumption that Tala’s strongest feature were his eyes had clearly never seen him naked.

This was Kai’s bemusing thought as he stared at his former teammate, the top of his body exposed, the bottom lazily covered by a bedsheet.

Kai was used to delicate women much shorter and thinner than him, soft curves and gentle roundnesses, lace and silk on warm peachy skin.

Tala was different.

He was leaner than Kai remembered, but it had to be expected. Tala in his competition days had to ingest an ungodly amount of calories to keep the bulkiness of a beyblade champion. Since then, he had slimmed down to a more sustainable shape.

He was still athletic, but he was no longer the cyborg Boris Balkov had created.

Kai didn’t know if Tala was his _type_ , but he definitely didn’t hate the view.

Tala had taken the day off and they hadn’t left the bed so far. The Great British Bake Off was providing background noise. They had barely watched it. Mostly, they had enjoyed each other’s company. And talked.

There was so much to discuss and they were running out of time.

“Tala.”

“Um?”

Kai stared at the ceiling. “Had you… thought… about this… before?”

Kai heard a chuckle. Tala clarified the question. “You mean have I thought about screwing you when we were beybladers?”

Kai turned to face him and gave him an annoyed look. He wasn’t in the mood to make jokes.

Tala’s answer left no place for interpretation. “No.”

Kai wasn’t surprised. He couldn’t imagine what would have happened if mutual interest had sparked during their tournament days. Disaster, probably. He doubted they would have ended up confessing their feelings for each other under the sunset.

As if he had been reading his thoughts, Tala said, “I don’t think I even knew who or what I was into at that time. It took me many years to perceive myself as anything else than a machine. To open up to any sort of… physical or emotional relationship. You remember how Balkov used to call love a _weakness of character_?”

Kai remembered. The Abbey scientists perceived feelings as flaws that should be eradicated. System errors on the path to victory. They had served the children these mantras until they were tattooed on their brains.

“Yes, I remember.”

“I kept this mindset for a long time,” Tala continued. “Every time I felt… _something_ for someone, I censored my own heart. I tortured myself into not caring.”

Kia cautiously nodded, unsure what kind of answer Tala was expecting. “And now?”

Tala slowly tilted his head to the side, putting his ideas together. “Eventually, it dawned on me that I couldn’t live like this. I’d rather be _weak_ than alone. There is nothing I can do to get back the years I lost… BioVolt got my past, but they for sure aren’t getting my future.”

Kai remained silent.

“All we can do is live,” whispered Tala, more to himself than to his companion, “and I intend to live, in spite of everything.”

* * *

**Day Thirteen  
Afternoon**

They had ordered Italian for lunch again and it had taken all of Kai’s will to put a pair of pants on and move from the bed to the kitchen. Tala refused to have food in his bedroom. He was a neat freak like that.

As they were eating, Tala asked, “How about you, any… unbiblical thoughts towards my person while we were on the same team?”

“I wasn’t thinking about fucking anyone”, admitted Kai trying hard to not roll his eyes at _unbiblical_ , “My focus was the game and nothing else.”

Tala gave a mocking nod. “Of course. Kai Hiwatari has no personal life.”

Kai took the jab with grace. “Well, as you can see… I’m working on it.”

An amused sparkle glowed in Tala’s eyes. “So, am I _personal life_ now?”

“Well, you’re certainly not _just a former teammate_ ,” Kai retorted, “Unless blowjobs are part of the Neoborgs recruitment techniques…”

Tala’s mouth twisted in disgust. “Ew, no, that’s fucking disgusting. It would feel like incest.”

Kai got an image of Ivan naked and he quickly chased the unpleasant thought away. Good to know he hadn’t entirely lost his standards.

Against all odds, Tala laughed. “You’re… unbelievable. No shit Sherlock, we’re a tad past _former teammates_.”

Kai crossed his arms on his chest.

Tala pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can you believe I had even asked Ella if she had single female friends I could introduce you to?”

“Really?”

“Why not,” Tala shrugged, “Russian ballerinas aren’t something straight men usually sneeze on.”

Kai frowned. That was another detail. Was he even straight now? Had he ever been?

In the last days, Kai had learned he could apparently sleep with someone and not feel the weight of his loneliness afterwards. He still hadn’t quite figured out why.

Was it because Tala was a man? Or just because he was not a stranger?

In both cases, it looked bad for him. He could not imagine announcing this to his family.

_Sure, I can date, as long as I’ve had a few years to form some sort of friendship with the person and they got the full spectrum of how difficult I can be and they chose to tolerate me anyway, enough to let me bed them._

_Oh, also reproducing the old-fashioned way might be off the table, how much is a surrogate again?_

Tala was apparently yet again reading his mind, because he said, “I suppose I would have been wasting my time.”

Kai exhaled impatiently. “Tala, I don’t know. There are things I still haven’t figured out.”

A silence fell. Kai forced himself to push this new headache to another time. He was leaving tomorrow. Unable to stop time from running, he had to use every minute. Ask as many questions as he could.

“For you,” Kai asked, “with… women. How is it?”

Tala put his elbows on the table and plopped his chin in his hands. “Different. Just different. Not better, not worse.”

Kai’s lips formed a line. “The person you were seeing back in Germany… was it a man?”

Kai thought Tala would dodge the question, but the redhead answered.

“No. She was an architect. A mind like you rarely meet, fascinating lady. But my contract ended, and she wasn’t willing to relocate. No hard feelings.”

It was a weird quirk of Tala. He rarely described people physically. As if appearance didn’t matter. Kai wondered how Tala would describe him to stranger.

Kai hoped one day Tala would think of him as _fascinating_ too.

Kai wasn’t certain what he expected from the situation. Every answer so far had been met with even more questions. The spark had grown into a fire than had consumed him all and he wasn’t sure what would be left once he went back to Japan.

His only wish was to enjoy the warmth.

Tala rose up and gave a quick cleaning to the kitchen. “How about you? Any fiancée waiting for you in Tokyo? The Hiwatari still do arranged marriages, no?”

Kai shook his head. “I still have a few years before my family start bugging me with this. My father was almost thirty-five when he got married.”

“Should I expect you to freak out and knock at my door when you turn thirty-four, then?” Tala challenged.

“In case this wasn’t _limpid_ by now,” Kai said dryly, “I do intend on keeping contact.”

Tala gave a predatory grin. “Do you now?”

Kai suddenly feared the worst. “You don’t want to?”

Tala’s smile faded, but his gaze remained serious.

“I don’t know, Kai. For now, this,” he said while giving a vague circular hand gesture, “this is nice. But you’re leaving tomorrow.”

Tala’s eyes went back to Kai. His voice lowered in a murmur. “And I told you, I intend on enjoying every minute.”

Tala took a step towards Kai and gently pulled him towards the bedroom. “Let’s go back. I think Hell’s Kitchen is up next.”

Kai rolled his eyes but found nothing to retort. As if they were going to watch it.

* * *

**Day Thirteen  
Later**

Having Tala’s hand in his made his mind go wild. Maybe because there was nothing overly sexual with holding someone’s hand. It just felt nice.

Intimate.

Comforting.

Feelings he longed for more than anything else.

Tala’s hands were slightly larger than his, with faint cuts and scars, like most former beybladers.

Kai was still looking at their interlaced fingers when he broke the silence.

“I have a question you won’t like.”

He felt more than he heard Tala sighing next to him. “You have many of these. Just ask.”

“The first time I kissed you… why didn’t your fist end up on my face?”

Tala took a few seconds to answer. “Good question. I wasn’t expecting you to kiss me. It really took me off guard.”

Tala turned on his side towards Kai, and Kai copied him. They were facing each other, blue eyes in dark eyes, ice facing fire.

“But… I would be lying if I said I had never entertained the thought before.”

Tala brought his hand to Kai’s forehead and gently replaced a hair strand that had fallen in front of his eyes. He continued, “You know, I am not as… passive normally. But after that night… I wanted to know how far you were willing to go. I know you Kai, you flee the moment people start pushing you. But if I stayed still, then maybe, maybe there was a tiny chance you would come closer. You’re just like your stupid cats in that regard.”

Kai found nothing to retort. It was true. Tala knew him this much.

Tala concluded, “No matter what, I’m glad these two weeks happened. You’re a headache, but a hot one.”

Kai’s eyelids lowered in embarrassment.

“I promised your friend Ella I would be back in a few months for the premiere of her show. I could probably squeeze another week in St. Petersburg in my schedule if you feel like dealing with me again.”

Tala smiled. “Let’s see how CEO Hiwatari feels about his… _former teammate_ at that moment. Maybe you’ll have met someone by then.”

“Maybe you’ll have been snatched by another _fascinating_ architect,” said Kai in the same mocking tone.

A mischievous glimmer went through Tala’s eyes. “Maybe. Life is full of surprises.”

Tala’s eyes scanned his face, as if expecting Kai to be angered by his answer. Kai remained neutral. Tala wasn’t wrong and he felt too tired to retort that he would probably be too busy to date for the foreseeable future.

Tala’s expression relaxed.

He suddenly brought his face closer to Kai’s and kissed him, as if to put an end to the conversation.

Kai let him. Talking had never been his strong suit.

This kiss was unhurried, almost tender. There was no itch to scratch, no fear, no rush.

Just them.

Kai’s hands trailed down Tala’s chest, but Tala’s hand stopped him before things could get interesting.

“Kai.”

Kai reluctantly opened his eyes. Tala’s expression was one of a man investigating. Kai swore internally. Tala’s brain worked too hard sometimes.

“Kai? Do you travel to Europe for work often?”

Kai shrugged. “Sometimes. Why?”

“Just curious. I was wondering-”

Kai cut him, “Tala.”

He brought his face to his and caught his lips again. “I don’t really feel like talking anymore.”

* * *

**Day Fourteen**

Tala and Kai had left at the very last minute for the airport.

First, they had realized that all the extra clothes he bought during his trip couldn’t fit into his bag, so Kai had to run to the closest store selling suitcases.

Then, Ella had popped in and brought two bottles of gin for Kai only, as a gift. She had also stayed half an hour to chat. She really reminded Kai of Max Tate, if he switched mayo for alcohol.

Finally, they had spent an ungodly amount of time on a proper goodbye, knowing it would be the last time they would see each other for months.

By the time they left, Kai’s neck sported another bite mark.

The drive had been too short. They had kissed one last time in the car, and then made their way to the departure gate.

Kai had assured he could go alone, but Tala had insisted to follow him. Maybe he was scared that Kai would hide in the bathroom and miss his flight on purpose.

Weirdly enough, Kai didn’t feel such urge.

His routine in Japan felt life a lifetime ago. He had planned a surprise visit to the Granger dojo in the next few days. Tyson’s enthusiasm always ended up cheering him up and putting his mind in the right place.

Tala’s voice brought him back to reality.

“It’s time to go.”

Kai sighed. Time is up.

They stood awkwardly in front of each other. Kai noticed once again that Tala had to lower his gaze slightly to meet his. The intensity of his presence made him shiver.

“Thank you for the… hospitality,” said Kai, handing his spare key back to Tala.

The redhead didn’t take it. “Keep it, you’ll be back in a few months, no?”

Kai closed his eyes and gave a faint smile.

He understood it was Tala's way of saying this wasn't the end. Maybe not a beginning. But not the end yet. A hope. A flicker.

They silently stood in front of each other for a few more awkward seconds. Kai never bothered with such goodbyes usually.

Tala should have stayed in the car.

Feeling that it was his turn to say something, Kai offered, “Let me know when you’re in Japan.”

“I will.”

“And Tala,” continued Kai, lowering his voice, “you’re… not an existential crisis. I promise.”

Tala’s eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t say anything. He simply nodded. He cleared his throat. “Text me when you land.”

Kai nodded and gave a faint smile. He understood this was Tala’s goodbye.

Fighting the urge to hug him, Kai pivoted on his heels and walked straight to the departure gate, his hand firmly closed on the extra set of keys in his pocket.

* * *

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuriy is referencing Dostoevsky's famous quote, "I have a longing for life, and I go on living in spite of logic." from The Brothers Karamazov.


End file.
